Note to Self

Before you embark on the journey of revenge, dig two graves. One for them and one for yourself.

I read this quote once many years ago and it has stuck with me since. Though it may seem like a simple thing to understand, emotions are a complex demon, and it can be very easy to be overcome with the feelings of anger and rage and a desire for unadulterated vengeance.

When someone wrongs us, it is natural to desire retribution. We crave justice in our deepest parts, seeking solace in the belief that an eye for an eye will make everything right.

However, the quote warns us that revenge comes at a price. It highlights the inherent danger of fixating solely on the harm we wish upon our adversaries. By focusing solely on their demise, we neglect to consider the impact it will have on our own lives.

Revenge blinds us to the toll it takes on our mental, emotional and spiritual well-being.

I’ve always felt that hatred is a heavy burden that perpetuates a never-ending chain of negativity. By nurturing our desire for retaliation, we inadvertently become consumed by the very darkness we sought to combat.

Hatred binds us tightly, suffocating our potential for growth and happiness. It diverts our attention from the beauty of life and it redirects it towards festering grudges and ill intentions.

In digging that second grave for ourselves, we imprison our own hearts and minds.

When we seek whatever form of retaliation, we risk losing sight of our own humanity. Our empathy and compassion, which generally guide our actions and decisions, become overshadowed by the thirst for making things ‘even’.

In this pursuit, we may even find ourselves crossing ethical boundaries and compromising our moral compass, all to see someone else suffer or regret their actions towards you.

The desire for revenge transforms us into mere shadows of our former selves, devoid of the values and virtues that make us truly human. We become so consumed by the desire to inflict harm that we forget the importance of forgiveness and understanding.

Who knows what we might be capable of when we are led by our bruised egos? Some people might stalk an ex-lover, destroy their property, harass family members or escalate the situation to acts of physical violence.

I have even found myself wondering what the best way is to make someone comprehend how much their actions have affected me. I have stayed up late pondering how I can get them to feel even a fraction of what I did. I have wished and hoped and prayed that they can cry like I have.

But trust me, nothing you do to them will ever remove the pain from your heart. Even if they cried and suffered and hurt and lost everything, you would not receive the sense of healing you are expecting.

All you’ll have is your actions on your conscience and possibly some time behind bars.

In understanding the consequences of revenge, we can break free from its destructive grip. By embracing forgiveness and empathy, we can empower ourselves to rise above the pain and injustice we have suffered.

Choosing understanding over vengeance allows us to regain control of our lives and focus on healing. It opens doors for dialogue, reconciliation and personal growth.

The quote’s wisdom lies in reminding us that revenge is not the only path available to us; we have the power to choose a different journey.
We can also protect our peace and our personal space by removing ourselves from any situations that trigger us or put us in a negative frame of mind.

Revenge may appear enticing in the heat of the moment, but its allure fades when we consider the burdens it imposes on us.

Instead, let us choose ourselves, our happiness and the positive paths our lives could take. By digging only one grave, we can lay to rest the cycle of hatred and embrace the brighter future that awaits us all.

– Anne Hambuda is a poet, writer and social commentator. Follow her online or email her at annehambuda@gmail.com for more.

In an age of information overload, Sunrise is The Namibian’s morning briefing, delivered at 6h00 from Monday to Friday. It offers a curated rundown of the most important stories from the past 24 hours – occasionally with a light, witty touch. It’s an essential way to stay informed. Subscribe and join our newsletter community.