#MenAre(Still)Trash

You might remember the headline ‘Why Men Are Trash’ on this page not too long ago.

Well, it would seem that things still haven’t changed. Evident by #MenAreTrash which trended on social media again. Only this time, the uproar was much louder and more thunderous.

The uproar was caused by the gruesome murder of Karabo Mokoena, a South African woman who died at the hands of her boyfriend. Her murder ignited a series of heartfelt messages and sparked a rebirth of the discussion as to why ‘men are trash’. These talks included everything from men’s abusive behaviour, possessiveness, cat-calls, entitlement and rape culture.

Speaking to The Weekender on rape culture, Namibian University of Science and Technology (NUST) journalism lecturer Hugh Ellis said the causes behind rape culture has a lot to do with how men were brought up – not only by families, but also through peer groups, friends, certain churches and even the media.

Ellis said the media gives men a sense of entitlement. That they are made to believe they are in charge and women should listen to men, regardless of what they say; in essense display a certain level of obedience.

After the death of Mokoena, Ellis expressed his opinions on #MenAreTrash.

“When people say #MenAreTrash, they don’t mean there aren’t good men here and there. The point is that the construction of masculinity by society is a problem which does affect us all, to some degree,” he said. “How we were raised. How we were told, subtly or not, that violence is a good way, or the only way, to solve a problem. How we were told ‘boys don’t cry’, that we should suppress our emotions. Are you, then, surprised when emotions boil over violently?”

Ellis also addressed men’s inherant sense of entitlement.

“How we were told we’re entitled to female labour, either physical (cooking, cleaning) or emotional (soothing our fractured sense of self). So the start of being better men is to change these perceptions. Which we all have to some degree because we were raised in a sexist society. I’m not saying we’re all potential murderers. We should call out the worst men among us. But we should also not get defensive when women call us out. Let us admit we all have much to unpack. Let us also call out men and women who feel the need to defend the status quo. Let us say we don’t need defending, we too want change.”

Also talking on rape culture and abusive attitudes of men, NUST lecturer Emily Brown encouraged the behavioural change of men, especially in how they are raised.

“We should never condone rape or abuse of any kind by virtue of what someone wears or what she chooses to wear, because then we are still finding excuses for rape or violence. No society should tolerate that. More attention should be given to our boy children to respect their mothers, sisters and wives no matter what. There should be mutual respect,” she said.

The backlash from Twitter last week included a variety of views on the topic from both men and women:

@DavidonKaya: #MenAreTrash has nothing to do with you as an individual. it’s just asking you to think about the havoc caused by men in society

@Mr_TVMadzhie: I’m still in disbelief. I’m shook man… Like I don’t even want my sisters leaving to school or work alone any more because #MenAreTrash

@AaleyaOmar: Spoke to my gran about this whole #MenAreTrash thing. She laughed and said “sweety, the only thing that’s changed is now women speak up”.

@Pfatles:If you are really offended by #MenAreTrash then great, get over yourself, stand up and make women feel safe again in this country!

@nenegasa:Not all #MenAreTrash, the hashtag should be #AbusiveMenAreTrash. Abuse comes in different forms; physical, psychological, verbal.

@van_greneun: #MenAreTrash is directed to those who emotionally and physically abuse women. Stop trying to catch feelings for subs that aren’t for you.

@Sefularo_Keamo:Yes, Karabo’s guy is trash, but why are we calling all men trash #MenAreTrash is one of the tags I really hate.

@HimbaGirl: Don’t ask me how men are trash. If you can’t relate good for you, but let’s not act like men don’t harass and oppress women daily.

@HimbaGirl: You are a ‘good man’ but you know your bra is abusing his girlfriend and you do/say nothing about it. You are part of the problem, therefore you are trash.

@MeeMwaaka: My word What men do we have out there?

@ShangeShine Dear Men, talk to each other on how to treat women. Good men, please show some good examples on how women should be treated. #RIPKarabo.

Whether or not you find the hashtag and the conversation surrounding #MenAreTrash problematic, it is clear that there are privileges and issues that are yet to be addressed.

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