IT was an emotional journey for the family of Ndeapo Hoffman as they made their way to a memorial stone they were to unveil in memory of their son and brother at Keetmanshoop.
The family on the same day unveiled a tombstone in remembrance of his sister, Nandy.
Ndeapo was one of many who, during Namibia’s liberation struggle, left the country hoping to be a freedom fighter, but ended up in the Lubango dungeons in Angola never to return home.
His grave is empty and his memorial stone, which has now been placed on top of Nandy’s grave, is without a date of death.
“Today I am speaking as the mother of Ndeapo Hoffmann – not as a Swapo member. I am a Swapo member and will die a Swapo member. I believe in the aims, objectives and principles of the Swapo Party,” Hoffmann’s mother, Ida Hoffmann, said at the event recently.
Hoffmann is a Swapo stalwart and has been a staunch supporter of the party since the liberation struggle.
She spoke to through her son Matu.
“My son, rest in peace till we meet again,” she said.
The mother added she would now have a place she could go to when she wanted to be with Ndeapo.
The young man left his mother’s house with a group of friends in 1981 and travelled to Zambia through Botswana.
His family said he believed everyone should be free.
They said Ndeapo believed in education and wanted to be a doctor or a lawyer.
“As a mother it was very painful to hear that he was in the Lubango dungeons. But my belief was that the country must be freed, and the faith and hope I had was that we would be taken to where they were buried, but there was nothing,” Hoffmann said.
Swapo detained individuals suspected of spying on them on behalf of the then South African apartheid government at the Lubango dungeons.
The loss of a child is one of the most difficult things any mother can experience, Hoffmann said at the unveiling event.
She said she still wants to know who found her son guilty of spying, and whether he was in fact guilty.
Other questions haunting her are whether and how Ndeapo was buried, and whether he was prayed for.
“It feels like my son is a forgotten soul, even though his vision was to free Namibia. These are pains and questions I will unfortunately carry to my grave,” she said.
Those who have survived the dungeons and have returned home tell tales of torture, beatings, living in a deep, dark pit, fearing for their lives, being raped, and having no access to medicine.
The torture is said to have lasted for years.
In 1989 some 201 of the Lubango dungeon survivors were freed from a camp in Angola.
They were flown to Windhoek by Angola Airlines, but Ndeapo was not among them.
“When the people returned from exile I was very excited and even prepared two suits for him that he was supposed to wear. Those suits are still in the wardrobe. It is a painful reality not to have a grave for him. It’s a consolation that at least we erected a memorial stone in his honour,” Ndeapo’s uncle Petrus Hoffmann said.
The family said they have accepted that Ndeapo will never return home, but they are unable to accept that there is no explanation or apology as to what happened to him.
Family members and survivors of the Lubango dungeons have created a group called Breaking the Wall of Silence.
The group serves as a platform aimed at an inquiry into the atrocities that were committed to help families find answers to what happened to their relatives.
“The longing for an older brother will always be with me, and is a longing and pain I will carry to my grave. It was painful for me to officiate at the [unveiling] event as deacon of the Roman Catholic Church. At the same time it was an honour,” Matu said.
At independence, Namibia adopted a policy of national reconciliation, which was based on a commitment to closure.
This policy provided both Namibians and South Africans who fought the war with blanket amnesty.
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