Last Meal – A Cheese Burger With Chips, Please

I can attest to the power of food cravings. Over the course of the past month, I must have had a thousand of them, and every single one of them was rooted in desperate food deprivation.

One such recurring craving was for the perfect cheeseburger with a side of chips. My most likely last meal ordered on death row or, if the Lord may spare me a last wish, on my deathbed.

I had given this a lot of thought: What condiments to include; what kind of bun to use; what meat to grind for the patty; how many patties; what sauce or sauces?

I started doing research during my occasional lucid time when the hospital Wi-Fi was not too over-loaded and my mind not too high on painkillers.

The world has seen its share of luxurious and very expensive burgers. It seems as if there is no limit to which the creators of luxury burgers will go to make their burgers stand out.

Take the 777 burger from Le Burger Brasserie inside the Paris Las Vegas Casino: Kobe beef and Maine lobster, served with imported brie cheese, carmelised onions, crispy pancetta and a bottle of Dom Perignon champagne on the side. All this for a mere US $777, or at today’s exchange rate: N$9 631.

Another gut wrenchingly expensive burger is the FleurBurger 5 000, introduced by restaurant Fleur inside the Mandalay Bay Casino also in Las Vegas. In addition to the top-end, exotic ingredients – Kobe beef, foie gras, lots of truffles – the burger is served with a rare bottle of Pétrus, a Bordeaux wine that is consistently one of the world’s most expensive (on average N$32 665 per 750ml bottle). Diners get to keep the designer wine glass to celebrate the fact that they just spent a fortune on a burger with wine.

The price of these super luxurious burgers depends on the ingredients used and for most, no cost is spared as they contain super luxury ingredients such as truffles, gold leaf, caviar, rare imported beef, lobster, and so forth. Oh and don’t forget the complementing beverage which is equally expensive in and by itself.

In addition to the luxury ingredients, there is also the size issue to consider when looking at the world’s most expensive burgers.

Mallie’s Sports Grill and Bar in Detroit has an 813 kilogram cheeseburger on their menu for that special celebration that would require at least few hundred very hungry guests to finish. This, the world’s largest commercially sold burger, has a patty weighing nearly 910 kilograms; a bun that weighs 114 kilograms, and garnishes that weigh around 136 kilograms.

It is nearly 92cm high and 152cm wide. It would set you back N$96 668.

Price aside, it is a contest of quality versus quantity.

Now, during my time of food deprivation and severe cravings, not once did I consider price or size. No, I only craved the best, the best bun, the best patty, cheese and condiments. I did not crave gold leaf, nor did I crave lobster, or caviar or truffles. No, I only craved the very best of the basics.

And it has to be cooked right, given the quality of the ingredients.

I would most definitely want to eat my last meal in private with no company. I want to eat with my hands. I want to lean forward every time I take a bite to prevent stains down the front of my shirt. The cheese should come away in strings every time it put my burger down. The juices of the meat will mix with the juices of the garnishes (which is to include pickles, by the way) and run all the way down my hands and arms.

So if you don’t mind, I’d like a bib or at least a small towel.

And a side of chips. Nice, thick and chunky triple-fried chips just like Heston does them.

After all, you only get to die once.

Double Cheese and Coffee Burger

• 750 grams minced beef

• 1 teaspoon crushed garlic (dry)

• 1 teaspoon dried thyme

• 2 teaspoons dried coriander

• 1 teaspoon dried parsley

• 1 teaspoon dried cumin

• 1 teaspoon dried mustard powder

• 2 tablespoons mushroom (vegetarian) oyster sauce

• 1/4 teaspoon liquid smoke

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