Karma … and the little Troll who could

EVERY mother secretly fears that their children might turn out to be a little crazy. And with good reason.

To demonstrate, let me compare having a child to the planet Saturn in astrology. Saturn represents the great Karmic justice of the astrological universe, wherever you have done wrong in your life, Saturn makes that which goes around, come around … and back on planet earth, pregnancy does the exact same thing.Before you have a child, you never really think about your genetic disposition but, the moment you fall pregnant … you get introduced to that all encompassing fear that your offspring might just get the worse part of your DNA. More often than most, your fear is not validated.But this is me. And true to form, every single little irrational fear I had while Troll 2 was lounging about in my belly, has magically manifested into reality. I was hoping he would get some of the more normal DNA from his father, The Evil Ex, a tall, well built man, with reasonably good intelligence and who does not have strange food cravings, or uncanny balancing inadequacies.But no, Troll 2 is all me.My four-year-old walks into walls, because he does not look where he’s going. He eats everything he sees. He makes fun of his older brother, terrorises his mother by being a wise ass, speaks to the television, laughs like a crazy person and enjoys running around naked much to the shock and awe of those who have to bear witness to his antics.He also mispronounces words such as ‘because’, which he calls ‘fok -cause’, which have garnered some pretty strange looks from strangers in public and just like Bill Cosby predicted in the 1980s, … kids really do say the darnedest things. The following situations are case and point. (Troll 2 has a new fixation: the bathroom.He particularly enjoys it because it allows him to empty the shampoo bottle on the floor, and paint with the conditioner on the mirror. This particular day he was taking way too long and I was starting to get worried.)Me: (walking in) Hey baba.Troll 2: (sighs) My poo is taking so long Mamma! Bring me a book; ‘fok-cause I want to read the pictures.(During December I allowed Troll 2’s bed time schedule to be more relaxed, partly because it was holiday and partly because I was tired of threatening him with the Bogey man every night. Unfortunately he still has not snapped out of the late night TV groove yet, so it takes a lot of threatening…)Me: (screaming) I swear to God! I spoke to the Bogeyman and he said he’s had it with your naughtiness! He’s on his way here and you are going to be in big trouble if you don’t go to bed right now!Troll 2: (Takes a moment to think and then jolts upright) … but I’ll just tell him that sleeping is not very comfortable!(As a little adventurer Troll 2 loves being out and about, as such whenever we run errands either my sister, The Wise One, or I take him along for the ride)Troll 2: (screaming) Mamma! Nanna! I told you to look at the cars! But you didn’t listen to me! How can I be your child…if you never listen to me or do what I say?!And so little by little I am beginning to realise that maybe as a child I shouldn’t have been such a wise ass to my own mother, because lord knows my karma has come back twice fold … in him.For more Confessions of an Urban Single Mom visit the Facebook page, or email me at urbansinglemom@gmail.com

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