If I Knew Then What I Know Now

I’m 31 years old and back in school.

It feels surreal to type these words, but here I am, I guess. I kind of have a love-hate relationship with education. Honestly, I love having the opportunity to learn new things. I don’t think it’s ever too late to stretch my brain and build new synapses. I am quite excited to see where this leads me. So many opportunities become available when you have some form of certification to back you up. I am also looking forward to continuing to pursue my passion, which is to create. That is why I am in film school. To answer the prayers of my inner child.

On the other hand, I feel old and slightly out of touch with the demands of studying. I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep up with my classmates. I’m afraid they’ll hear me speak and somehow know I am more than 10 years older than them just by how long it takes me to grasp modern Gen Z concepts.

It’s kind of crazy for me to consider that I am going to school with people who were born in 2007. I literally remember what I was doing that year. I was in Grade 7 and 12 years old. The world was opening up to me for the first time.

I’ve lived so much life since then, and now I am sitting side by side with people who are at a stage where they are just beginning to question what kind of lives they want for themselves.

It’s very interesting to hear them speak and to realise that times change, but many things actually remain the same.

Being older than my classmates doesn’t make me that much different from them, but a part of me wishes I had been this sure of myself at 18.

As the old saying goes: If I knew then what I know now …

I’m not really one to dabble in regret or to dwell too long on the past, but I am doing something at 31 that I could have done 12 years sooner. I could have taken a trip directly to my dreams without all the pit stops along the way.

I’ve always wanted to be a writer, but I let life convince me that it was not a viable career choice. I was told often to think of something more practical, to try communications or marketing or journalism. No one ever really explained to me that I am powerful enough to take any path I choose and make the most of it.

Now that I’m finally living life on my terms, I can’t help but reflect on what it took to get me here. I’m also realising, and this is important, that it’s never too late to start living the life you want.

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is today. That’s the philosophy I am choosing to follow.

Next year I will be 32, and the year after that, 33. Time will pass regardless of how I spend it, so I might as well come out on the other end with another degree, right?

Thinking about the first time I was a university student is strange. I was never going to enjoy it as much as I enjoy school now, because I wasn’t really living my truth.

I was doing what I thought I was supposed to do, and I ended up with a three-year qualification I hardly use.

I’m grateful, though, for everything I’ve ever received in my life. I am not saying all this because I want to erase the past. I am fully aware that life played out the way it was meant to.

I was meant to experience everything I ever have. I was meant to make the mistakes that I did. This was always going to be my path. If you believe in destiny, it’s that sort of thing.

If you are young, you still have the chance to shape your own life. Take every opportunity you get and give it your all. Take the path that’s open to you and pivot where necessary. Take what you have been given and make it work for you. That’s what I’m trying to do.

As far as we know, you only get this one life, and you need to make the most of it. There’s no one to blame but yourself if things don’t turn out the way you want them to.

Yes, you can’t control the circumstances of where you’re born, how much money you have, or what opportunities are available to you, but you have full control over what you choose to do with it all. You could waste a couple of years whining and complaining, or you can be grateful and keep your ears and eyes open for what else is in store.

It would have been really easy for me to let my ego decide it’s too late to try something new, but that’s not the type of person I want to be.

– Anne Hambuda is a social commentator, novelist and poet. Follow her online or email her at annehambuda@gmail.com for more.

In an age of information overload, Sunrise is The Namibian’s morning briefing, delivered at 6h00 from Monday to Friday. It offers a curated rundown of the most important stories from the past 24 hours – occasionally with a light, witty touch. It’s an essential way to stay informed. Subscribe and join our newsletter community.