Hope After Divorce

Namibia’s divorce system follows that of South Africa. It allows a spouse to divorce the other if there has been desertion or adultery. So says a document released by the Legal Assistance Centre in Namibia.

These cases are settled in the High Court, usually without a trial. The process is long and emotionally and financially draining for those involved, which is why many shy away from the prospect of marriage in the first place.

It’s especially difficult when there are children involved because both parties have to deal with custody and depending on their agreement of marrying in or out of community of property, belongings have to be divided fairly between both spouses.

In recent years, Namibia has seen a vast increase of divorces – more than ever, sadly. However, this does not mean that it is the end of the road once you get a divorce.

There are many inspiring stories of people who have started over after a painful divorce and one of those people is Alicia Glaser.

Last year, she went through a particularly nasty divorce, but she still keeps her head high because she believes that love still exists.

“It was my first divorce and I never really wanted it,” she said. “I wanted to try again with my ex-husband. The thing about a divorce is that it sucks. It was really awkward to go through.”

And often, Glaser said that she would put on a facade for the people around her. “I was messed up. I would go out and put on my make-up and a smile when I go out, but when I’m in the room, I’d be crying. But I told myself that this was not the end of the world.”

Glaser also believed that if it was not meant to be, then she would have to let the relationship go. “If it didn’t work out, then really, it was not from God. There was nothing I could do. And the thing is, when I saw him moving on and posting pictures of himself on Facebook, even before the divorce was finalised, I knew that it was time to move on.”

The journey wasn’t easy, though. Due to the divorce, Glaser said she turned to drinking to take away the pain. “It was difficult. I decided to start drinking and I never used to, but I got to a point where I decided that it was not me. I’m still a mother.”

Glaser may have gotten divorced at 27, but she feels that it is not the end for her.

“I feel like I’m healed now and I will not give up on love. There is hope and there is a future. I just want to say that people should not give up.”

Namibia usually deals with two kinds of marriages: The civil marriage and the customary marriage. According to the Legal Assistance Centre, “a civil marriage is one that is solemnised by a state or a recognised marriage officer (usually a magistrate or a religious leader such as a minister or a priest) in terms of the Marriage Act 25 of 1961, and registered in terms of the Births, Marriages and Deaths Registration Act 81 of 1963”, while a customary marriage is “one that is entered into in terms of the customs and traditions of the couple’s community”.

Sometimes, these marriages are combined. But because there are two kinds of marriages, there are also two kinds of divorces. Those who are involved in civil marriages can get divorced based on the law.

Customary divorce is still shaky at this point, but it is dependent on the kinship and lineage system of the people involved. Grounds of divorce in civil marriages include adultery and taking a second wife/husband, while customary marriages can dissolve over issues like barrenness of the wife, witchcraft and adultery as well.

And the interesting part is that you can sue the person involved in the affair if your partner is cheating on you in a marriage.

But always remember that if you cannot handle the trauma of a divorce, it’s always best to go to a psychologist to help you work through your part of the problems which led to the breakdown of the marriage.

Also, it’s important to have a good support system around you during the process. It may not be easy to transition back to being single, but take your time to heal. Don’t rush into another relationship until you are ready.

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