Dealing With a Narcissistic Stakeholder – Part 2

As we continue with the topic of dealing with narcissistic stakeholders, it is important to note that narcissists are not evil people.

In fact, they are usually insecure, broken and suffer from other mental personality disorders, which exacerbate their narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

Thus, it important to see them as human beings, who, either through genetics, childhood abuse, trauma and upbringing, became predisposed to narcissistic behaviour.

It is also worth noting that not everyone who displays narcissistic behaviour has NPD.

This needs to be diagnosed by a professional.

Knowing what a narcissist is and how they operate is one for the first steps in dealing with one.

This article will outline some ways of dealing with a narcissist.

However, it is imperative that you seek professional advice, as narcissists occupy various roles, and how you deal with them depends on the type of role they play in your life.

CONFRONTATION AND LABELLING

Now that you are empowered with information about narcissists, avoid confronting or labelling them. This will make them defensive and will aggravate the situation.

Enlightenment provides insight on how to navigate your way around a narcissist.

It is difficult to change them – especially those with NPD.

Many with NPD are not aware that they have a problem. Those who are aware of it, rarely seek professional help, because being a narcissist is a coping mechanism for them.

INTERNAL CONTROLS

The only person you can control is yourself. That is why you consistently need to ‘beef up’ your self-esteem. You do this by setting clear boundaries on how you want people to treat you, regardless of whether they are narcissists or not.

You need to learn to be friendly, but firm.

You can do so by alerting people who talk to you rudely, for example, to refrain from using words you deem unacceptable.

You should also adapt internal positive self-talk and learn to forgive yourself.

Once you set boundaries, you need to maintain them, because narcissists by nature are bullies.

SUPPORT NETWORK

Consider building a strong support system of friends, family, colleagues, and professionals who can guide you as you deal with a narcissist, especially one who is your leader, parent or spouse.

You should also consider continually assessing your friendships, to see whether they are healthy and are assisting you to build a healthy self-image. Some friends can give you the wrong advice.

DETACH, WITHDRAW

You need to understand that narcissists thrive on getting you to emotionally respond to their antics.

They find satisfaction in seeing you either angry and dejected. They enjoy evoking a response from you.

It gives them relief to hurt you, as they themselves are hurting.

So, you need to break the cycle of action versus reaction.

Narcissists are very intelligent. They know your weaknesses and which words to use to trigger a reaction in you.
You need to learn to detach from them.

It is uncomfortable and difficult at first, hence you need to seek professional help or engage in meditation and prayer.
You need to make a decision to no longer permit this type of person to influence your emotions.

DEFINE COMMUNICATION

Determine what you want from a conversation with a narcissist. Keep your words limited. Abandon all sincere communication.

Do not tell them what you are thinking or feeling, because they don’t care. Don’t tell them the truth about your life, because they will later find ways to use it against you.

Never let your guard down when speaking to a narcissist.

It is important to set your agenda before you talk to them and stick to those points.

Ensure that your objective is fulfilled, because they are very good at turning the conversation in their favour.

In essence, narcissists hate being ignored.

If you are silent or maintain minimal contact, it drives them crazy.

Lastly, narcissists also tend to gaslight. Gaslighting is a situation where a person denies reality in a way that makes you doubt what you saw or experienced.

They make you feel like you are going crazy.

An example of gaslighting is them denying saying something or suggesting that they were just joking and you are overreacting.
One of the ways to deal with gaslighting is to document all your correspondence with them.
If possible, ensure there is a witness to your conversations.

• Morna Ikosa is a senior corporate communications and brand reputation strategist. Reach her at micommunicationscc@gmail.com