Cyber Safety for Children: The Technology Contract

“There was a time when I decided to open a TikTok account and I made a video of me about a recent dance. Few days after I’ve posted the video then people started leaving comments about my looks and how wrong I did the dance, but I kept on leaving it and soon enough one person had a horrible comment about how skinny I am and I cried.”  

A young Namibian’s experience and probably not uncommon.

In the era I grew up, after doing our homework we played outside until dark came and our parents would call us in. 

Houses in the neighbourhood left their doors unlocked and the neighbours would know and socialise with one another.

Now, in 2024, our children are almost happily confined to their homes, doors firmly locked. Instead of neighbouring children to play with, they have their online friends. 

This creates new challenges for parents and for society. 

Unfortunately, not all these online friends have the young person’s best interests in mind and can even have criminal intent.

INTERNET ACCESS

Let’s start with the agreement between parent and child over internet access.

Like all good solutions between children and their parents, the starting point is good communication and an understanding on both sides of what is and isn’t allowed. We’ll call this the technology contract.

A technology contract (tech contract) is an agreement between parents and children that lists the expectations and rules for the devices children are going to be using. 

Sometimes it’s also called a family media agreement. It can be adjusted and modified as your child grows up and wants more freedom.

How does it work? Before your child gets their first device – probably a tablet or an iPad – you should do two things.

    •    Take 15 minutes to jot down the safety rules you want to put in place

    •    Take 30 minutes to set up parental controls on that device

When you give the device to your child, you’ll also present the technology contract for discussion. 

A technology contract with your family is a great way to work together on rules for devices and the internet. 

Being on the same page can help everyone stay safe online. Go over each item to make sure you and your child understand it, then you each sign the agreement.

Later, when they get their first phone, you’ll update the contract even more. Again, we recommend you jot down some non-negotiable rules first but write the contract together so that you negotiate the details up front.

SET THE RULES TOGETHER

Here are some tips for introducing a family contract to your family. 

Introduce the idea of non-negotiable rules and flexible rules. Some examples of non-negotiable safety rules are:

    •    You, as a parent, are able to review their devices to see what sites they are visiting and who they are communicating with.

    •    Devices will stay out of the bedroom, especially overnight, 100%

    •    A strict no-texting-while-driving rule

    •    Using parental controls

    •    Never share private information with strangers, including name, address, school, birthday, or any other information a stranger could use to find them

Flexible rules tend to be family-specific, non-safety rules. 

Some examples of flexible rules are:

    •    If phones are allowed at the dinner table

    •    When screens are allowed after school and when it’s offline time

    •    What types of video games are okay

    •    When devices should be turned off for bedtime

    •    If a phone goes to school with your child

THE CONVERSATION IS IMPORTANT

With any contract, it’s about the conversations that happen around the contract and collaborating with the child on the guidelines. 

This is the main idea – you’ve got to be allies, not enemies, with your children as you introduce the idea of a contract and you have to be open to input from them so they feel included.

Is it too late to set up a tech contract if my kids already have devices? No! It’s never too late.

You may get some ‘push back’ because your family hasn’t had formalised rules before and your child may feel like you’re ‘taking away their freedom’, maybe even ‘ruining their life’.

That’s OK. You’re parenting for their safety and mental health, just like you do in the world face to face. 

You set boundaries and limits all the time for their safety and health offline.

WHAT’S GOOD ABOUT CONTRACTS?

    •    Children are learning how to negotiate

    •    Children are learning their voice matters

    •    Children are learning about boundaries and limits with technology

    •    You are communicating your family values and what’s most important

    •    You are leading with safety and health goals

    •    You and your child are working together

    •    You can always revisit the contract

The technology contract is an evolving document. As your child grows and wants access to more tech, you’ll want to update the contract. 

On the other hand, you may find that some of the rules aren’t being followed and you’ll lead conversations around what’s going on there. 

We need to model the behaviour we want to see in our children. 

Technology rules, how you treat others online and whether you text while driving – your child is watching you closely and you are the number one influence in their life.

– Andrew Brown is an information security specialist, founder of AM2 Communications cc, and gives Centre for Cyber Security and Education presentations to pupils/parents