Confessions of a Kasi Casanova … Thanks for the Land, Now Give Us Women

I am usually not a politics fan but at times like these, I wish I was part of the AR team that made the president come to his senses of really serving the nation and the kasi, my home.

Giving plots means so much for the not-so-faithful men and women in the three towns (Windhoek, Walvis Bay and Oshakati). The three towns are known to be at competition with who drinks and cheats the most. I have been to all three and partly contributed to the competition statistics.

I am happy for the move to give the homeless homes at last. I am all the way happy but with a kind of different happiness. A happiness myself and previously-committed men and women cannot wait for. At last every side chick and Ben 10 will be getting their own place. Regardless of the size. As long as a bed can fit.

As of now, I am of the belief that your partners do not cheat on you because the current plot poverty does not allow them to. Only a few who have big balls make time to go in the bush or play innocent under a bridge. But now since they are apparently going to get plots of their own, it’s minus one problem for us. No more sex in cars. No more sex at a friend’s room. She has her room and so do I.

I am sure the AR comrades share the same sentiments. After all, this is how we restore the citizens’ citizens. In a country where inflation and rent prices rise as high as a horny teenager’s after watching porn for the first time, it is only fair that our dear citizens get good sex.

I also hear that even married couples, who also already have houses, have also applied for plots secretly behind their partners’ ‘behind’. I mean, it’s hard bringing a side chick home and making sure she does not leave a breath or a centimetre of her hair or weave on the pillow. From experience, it’s hard getting rid of the evidence.

Kashipu.

Guys from kasi would know and so will your husband. I am sure you once came home and you found the room smelling neutral or completely cleaned up, when you did the cleaning two days ago.

Moving on…

Now that we are getting plots to destabilise the peace and stability in all relationships, what’s next on the agenda?

Speaking on behalf of men, I propose the government to give us women. And maybe vice versa. With the winter nearly over, some people can just not continue with the thirst. It’s too long now. This does not only apply to young people but the senior citizens as well.

I mean, some of them died for this country and they are still here – so it’s just uncalled for that they are not catered for. Next month, just like AR, I will lead all brave and thirsty men and women to the offices of the Youth Ministry to submit 2 000 applications. The same will be done with old but active senior citizens. I will escort them to the offices of the Ministry of Veteran affairs to claim their sexual pensions. We all know the benefits of sex so let us not discriminate. And it’s time we also see that ministry doing something and not only doing the five-tackle-one business all year.

We will give the two ministries a deadline of 26 August, fair enough to the heroes of the country. All I want is for government to restore its citizens’ dignity since everything has been attached with a price tag. Not fair.

If you are an over-age woman or man and you feel your peer is not doing you justice, this opportunity is for you. The same with young people with older dreams and taste, open the doors and join the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. After all, age is just a number. It all started in the state house.

Just like rent and housing prices, we are tired of sex being expensive. We don’t have to be paying for hotels and guest houses to bang our side chicks. Women don’t have to be playing aunt to get their school boys out of school for apparent family matters. Just like the elite, we in the kasi also want things free.

From a kasi perspective, it is only fair that if I am to get land, the least I could ask for is a woman to share the four corners of that piece of land. So give each and every Kasape a plot and see how every thirsty being loves sleeping around. I hear it’s a good way to meet people.

If you are gonna come with housing developments from behind, it’s only fair that you pull the hair too.

Comrade Hage, solve this. We don’t want to be left out.

With bitter love from the Kasi Casanova.

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