Confessions of a Kasi Casanova – One Touch … Just For Independence

In last week’s column I envisaged how my independence celebrations would play out and this is no joke, it happened! I started at the bus stops and continued to the stadium entrance.

They were all there, all types, shapes and flavours.

Namibia’s diversity on full display. Who am I to deny all delectable patriotic beauties a little kasi hospitality?

The lion placed in a kraal of sheep protected by peace and stability.

The previous night I advised my ‘special friends’ to watch the celebrations from home. I had no reason to look over my shoulder. My phone was on flight mode to avoid enquiries because we all know the type of weather we enjoyed. And the best thing is that I scare parents, none left their pretty offspring alone at home. So what better place to hunt than the stadium?

Through the tents, I floated looking for the shy, vulnerable ones. No braggadocio, but with my physique, no specimen of the opposite sex will deny signing my application. By now you have learned I am not a nice guy, which I have no problem with.

To cut the story short, I acquired about three temporary relationships. I obviously did not tell them that they were only my weekend specials. Why would I want to wife a woman scouted at the Independence Stadium and especially on such an august occasion. I have no parliament at my house.

If you have never heard of the game called ‘One Touch’, then you surely are living under a rock. One Touch is a game boys would usually play in the streets where you are supposed to pass the ball to the next person by accurately kicking it once. Erase whatever you are thinking about now because that is not where I am headed.

But maybe I should.

I am not going to mention names but as in any opportune moment, and like any other guy, I delivered. Properly and memorably like the occasion.

My biggest mistake of the weekend was that I forgot to terminate the contract. Many if not all of my ilk fail to make a clean break. The other party wakes up the next day wanting to turn that day into a replica of the last night.

That’s not how things work.

It’s not my fault that you were not schooled on One Touch. But this game is more popular than we think.

Comprende?

Consequences. My phone is flooded with text messages, voicemails and missed calls. I am not replying to your texts. Don’t you get the message? Unless you really want to be an addition to the seven at home.

Not healthy. And do not call me that fluffy name. Had you known my real name, you would be embarrassed to call me that. We all know my name has a meaning.

When you play a game, be prepared to lose once in a while. Do not attach bubblegum to the situation. It was just one of those things. You lost.

Do not catch feelings.

I am sharing this truth with you hoping you will refuse to be that ball.

Your tendency to flash that ka-easy-go dress to every cute boy under the pretence of ‘just having fun’ is seriously cock-blocking potential serious suitors.

And please do not keep wondering when Mr Right is coming if you are busy living life with a series of Mr Wrongs.

Take that from me, a One Touch expert. More celebrations are to come and you know what? The game will repeat itself.

By the way, I hear the stock control officer at the now-closed Tre Supermarket, Comrade Trey Songz, will be performing some time soon. And most, if not all, women have forgotten about their papisas. I am sure the gay guys also look to this gig hoping to be on the receiving end of some attention.

For myself, like any other day, it comes and goes and I will not mind if my Kasape does not answer my call-me requests.

Just because I care, I hear someone is giving out application forms for a quickie with Trey Songz. I will be that guy at that concert celebrating 25 years of independence 70 days after the actual celebrations. And don’t worry, I will be right there waiting to comfort the rejects.

You can hide or pretend that we will not see you.

Get fit or enjoy One Touch by choice. See you there.

– kasiconfessions@gmail.com or Facebook: Kasi Casanova

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