Big Brother Amplified: JuJu In The House!

Where’s Julius Malema when you really need him?! Holidaying in Tuscany. Seriously.

I mean what the ish. OK, I guess the ANC Youth League leader also needs a break now and then. He’s had a bit of a sorry time of it …Still, someone needs to sort out the hot tranny political mess that is the Big Brother Amplified house. And I doubt that anyone can do it as gini co-efficiently as Juju (hope he doesn’t mind me giving him a verbal hug … aaaaw Julius my man). Quite frankly, I don’t know whether I’m coming or going, or whether my head’s wagging, or my tail’s thinking. Yes, that bad!Why can’t BBA be like one of those old western movies, where there’s no doubt about who the goodies and baddies are …There are enough conspiracy theorists, hibernators, players, scheming toddlers and players in the BBA house to confuse the combined dark glasses of the KGB, FBI and MI5.Throw in the charged, one-eyed views of BBA fans and you can be forgiven that you’ve got caught up in a bad scene from ‘The Matrix’, frozen between simulated and dystopian realities.As if that’s not enough, housemates and fans want to ‘expose’ everyone, as if there’s not enough fatal body exposure going on in the house anyway. Boobs are falling out of their skins like an orgy of over-ripe melons; toy soldiers are standing to attention like troops let loose in the Playboy Mansion. Aitsa!! NATIONALISING THE JUJU IDENTITYActually, am starting to wonder if South African drama coach and actor Luclay is not referencing Julius in some of his actions. Wouldn’t come as a surprise.Who can doubt that Juju is amplified?Take Julius’ ‘I’m an ordinary young person who’s grown up here in South Africa, from a township, who had no intention – none whatsoever – to scare people.’Could as easily apply to Luclay, aka Vloeklay, who’s unabashedly hauled his ‘ordinary, hardscrabble’ background out of the closet when trying to ‘expose’ the ‘fakes’ in the house.Have to give it to Luc-Cry, he can turn on those ‘Scary Movie’ outbursts faster than you can say spaza! Or fonkong. Or bledie agent.Is he trying to scare people? Blooming hell, no. Not on your great granma’s knickers. Caught him telling Vimbai late on Tuesday night that he’s basically the Mr Feelgood of the house. Believe it!’When the mood is down in the house, I try to lift it,’ he ernestly – eish my bad, Ernest has left the building, should be earnestly – told the Zimbabwean. And then … cough, clear my throat, take a deep gulp, he said ‘we don’t need drama, it’s just about having fun now’. Remind me again, what’s the definition of tjatjarag?OK, have to fess up, maybe I missed some deep moment; maybe Luclay’s kissed a transformer and been reborn inside those blue boxers of his. Or is he cutting his Caster according to his Semenya. That’s my point, who’s playing who?!! Or is it as simple as some housemates forgetting their lines, losing the plot and ending up with multiple personality disorder.This Big Brother is something else. Actually it always is!While we’re in ‘bledie agent’ terrain, expose is a word that goes hand in hand with Julius, as in ‘Malema exposes Patta’. Hmmmmmm, makes a girl think. Wonder if the ANCYL leader is the real source behind this year’s BBA buzz word!Have to add a disclaimer, though, I do not think – I repeat do not – that this year’s BBA is part of the ANC Youth League’s outreach programme.Errrrrrrrrr but is it maybe, just maybe, part of their nationalisation project?THE SNITCH ITCHOK, Luclay’s one thing, Alex is another. The latest conspiracy theory is that Miss P and the chunky – I refuse to use hunky until this matter is cleared up – Ghanaian have deliberately been trying to pit the girls against one another.Alex, food gobbler of note, the Venus flytrap of the house, has been sidling up to the girls, gaining their confidence and then playing the whispering game, dropping innuendo like an elephant with a case of the runs.He uses and abuses what the girls share with him to sow division and suspicion.Just take the Vina-Vimbai fallout. Alex was the one who dropped the dung bomb that resulted in that explosion. Vimbai took the bull by the horns – don’t even think Alex, he may be full of bull and horny to boot, but a bull among men he’s not – and confronted Vina, who collapsed in tears, and is still having minor cloudbursts.This after the house’s male Millicent told Vimbai that Vina had warned him against trusting her. Seems he has a snitch itch!Hope someone exposes him and Miss P’s plotting. Soon. Though it seems Vimbai, for one, and Weza, for another, just might be on to their game.To date, not even attempts by Ethiopian sweetheart Hanni to patch things up between Vina and Vimbai have worked.Watch this space! As always, much more to say, too little space and not enough time. Mwah!!Stay Tuned!!- BBA is broadcast live 24/7 on DStv Channel 198.

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