Big Brother Africa: ‘You’ve got mail!’

HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU! Yip, peeps, here I was labouring under the impression that Richard was just another film student.

But, no, the man’s already displaying talent of such magnitude (please note, that does not mean he’s joined the ranks of the ‘Untouchables’, alternatively known as the magnitudes) that movie moguls across the globe are panting to get a piece of Richboy … according to some messages headlining as brightly as Oscar nomination announcements on the BBA SMS strip: * “Film and publication companies around the world are voting for Richard!” * “Even if Richard doesn’t win the money, he is a winner.He will get Hollywood contracts.”So there! Put that on your BBA plate and swallow it all you dissbelievers.Guess I’m just going to have to eat humble pie or die.Make that crow.I’m winging it a bit here.Eish! Hope all you Richard fans who claim I never say anything nice about “your Rich” will now appreciate my loving, generous heart.RINGING THEIR BELLS That Biggie! He’s sure thrown housemates a few curve balls during BBA2.Sunday night was no exception.OK, the fake eviction scenario sort of wandered by in a haze, probably because it was short on drama for viewers this time round.You know, there were like no sliding doors, or Penthouse peeping.Or a comeback box with Kwaku T and Ofunneka wrapped up as the mother of all Christmas presents …or the anticipation of Maureen screaming! More like a Christmas cracker with no contents, not even a paper hat …OK, I’ve got where I’m trying to go! There was no punchline!! The bang lay in the Big and his twisted take on ‘You’ve Got Mail’! He sprung a short – one-minute – surprise phone call “to a loved one” on the three remaining BBA contenders, Ofunneka, Tatiana and Richard.For many viewers the big question was whether Richard’s wife, Ricki, would be hanging on the telephone, and whether Tati’s boyfriend Gustav would be there to say he was behind her all the way.Anticipation dashed.Neither of the two partners were the “loved ones” at the end of the line, perhaps because they’ve reached the end of the line with their partners’ behaviour in the house? But who am I to judge? Since it’s ‘be nice to Richard fans Tuesday’, I’ll start with gazunga man, even though he was last to take his call.It was his dad on the phone, sympathetic and supportive as fathers are, but all Richard wanted to know was “how’s Ricki …where’s Ricki?” Dad Vincent hedged, and edged, and skirted (what’s it with these Bezuidenhout men and skirts?) the issue, telling his son that he was “playing the game well”, and that his family love and support him.An emotional Richard shed some tears, and pondered his way out of the diary room, seemingly agitated that it had not been his wife.I mean, what did he think? That Ricki would be there saying “hey, Richard, just love what you’ve been doing.Great game, great plan, what you’re doing with Tatiana is awesome.Your supporters don’t think I’m their problem, so sweetie my darling, I’m just going with the flow …maybe we can even have a menage à trois when you come out …” You think? I don’t! Was Richard? REALITY BITES? Anyway, not long afterwards, Richiana took to the bedroom, and lay on the bed of their own making, looking just a wee a bit pensive.”She’s gone, I know she’s gone.I hope she’s still alive,” Richard muttered.Not sure what he meant by the “I hope she’s still alive”? If reality bit, it was fleeting.Richard was quickly back to his laughing, flirting ways and rationalising the phone call, saying he had a feeling his wife was with his Dad, but keeping quiet in the background.”You know, I think they were just calls to wish us good luck,” he said.For Tatiana, it was her sister Yolanda.Tati asked about her long-time partner, Gustav.”He’s fine,” her sister said.”We’ll talk when you come out.”I think Tatiana possibly got a better grip that there are major issues “outside”.Her comment: “It’s too late, too late for anything …we just have to accept the situation …and deal with it later.”So yip, peeps, that’s that reality.As interesting was that Ofunneka didn’t even get to speak to a family member.It was a best friend from yonks ago.Wonder if family members just couldn’t cope with the emotion of speaking to her at this stage because of THAT Saturday.If you thought that this would evoke even a smidgeon of sympathy from Richiana fans, wrong.For whatever reason, the fact that Ofu didn’t get to speak to a family member was perceived as discrimination against Richard and Tati.Go figure! POP THE CORKS After the initial surprise, the phone calls seemed to act as a tonic on Richiana and Ofunneka, now labelled “the undesirables” by some people – not me! – on the Big Brother website.They were overcome by the fact that they are IT, the final three, and were high-fiving to high heaven, wishing that they had champagne to celebrate their moment of realisation.”I feel like a champ,” boasted Richard.”Yes, we can be proud, very proud,” chimed in Ofunneka.Added: Tatiana: “It’s amazing, nothing is impossible.”Oh yes, God was also thanked for safely bringing them this far.Good Lord! Realisation comes with its own revelations.The three gave themselves hefty pats on the back for good behaviour.”I mean we didn’t finger in public,” said Richard.”We haven’t walked around naked or anything.”Yes, agreed Ofu, who’s mind seemed to suddenly flash back to THAT Saturday: “We’ve never got as drunk as we did then, NEVER …but I think it was because of all the emotional stress we’ve been through.”….”Yes,” smiled Richard, “yes.”BITS AND PIECES By today the moles, Ashanti and Victor, should have left the house.Hey, wasn’t Ashanti something else?! Beautiful and with one of those eminently likeable and genuinely nice personalities.And sexy to boot.You kind of want to cherish her.By the by, she revealed during a conversation in the garden yesterday that she’s set up a foundation for Children of War – among others, it helps former child soldiers by providing them with vocational training.She invited housemates to lend support to the cause, if they want to, once they’ve left the house.Victor, aaah Victor! The smooth Zimbabwean had Ofu getting a bit of her foxy on! She’s become all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in his company.The two quickly found common ground, and seemed to really enjoy chatting to each other and she glowed in the attention he paid her.That was kind of nice; a change from having to sort out Richiana’s problems, or what! The moles might not have caused eruptions, but they did create some turbulence! Merely by being there they disrupted the comfort zone of the ‘Big 5’ trio.And, hey, Ashanti’s way more than a pretty face.She seemed to get Richard’s number pretty quickly.Over the weekend he was quite taken aback at her response when gazunga man told her that, of course, she would want to go out with him.”Why would I, Richard?” she asked, an angelic smile spreading across her face.It left him groping for words and eventually blurting out “because I’ve got a great personality”.Again, when he was sulking after a spat with Tati on Sunday morning, a beaming Ashanti asked him “so which role are you playing today, Richard?” And she did it so genuinely and sweetly! Aitsa! * Catch BBA2 on Channel 198, DStvaccording to some messages headlining as brightly as Oscar nomination announcements on the BBA SMS strip: * “Film and publication companies around the world are voting for Richard!” * “Even if Richard doesn’t win the money, he is a winner.He will get Hollywood contracts.”So there! Put that on your BBA plate and swallow it all you dissbelievers.Guess I’m just going to have to eat humble pie or die.Make that crow.I’m winging it a bit here.Eish! Hope all you Richard fans who claim I never say anything nice about “your Rich” will now appreciate my loving, generous heart. RINGING THEIR BELLS That Biggie! He’s sure thrown housemates a few curve balls during BBA2.Sunday night was no exception.OK, the fake eviction scenario sort of wandered by in a haze, probably because it was short on drama for viewers this time round.You know, there were like no sliding doors, or Penth
ouse peeping.Or a comeback box with Kwaku T and Ofunneka wrapped up as the mother of all Christmas presents …or the anticipation of Maureen screaming! More like a Christmas cracker with no contents, not even a paper hat …OK, I’ve got where I’m trying to go! There was no punchline!! The bang lay in the Big and his twisted take on ‘You’ve Got Mail’! He sprung a short – one-minute – surprise phone call “to a loved one” on the three remaining BBA contenders, Ofunneka, Tatiana and Richard.For many viewers the big question was whether Richard’s wife, Ricki, would be hanging on the telephone, and whether Tati’s boyfriend Gustav would be there to say he was behind her all the way.Anticipation dashed.Neither of the two partners were the “loved ones” at the end of the line, perhaps because they’ve reached the end of the line with their partners’ behaviour in the house? But who am I to judge? Since it’s ‘be nice to Richard fans Tuesday’, I’ll start with gazunga man, even though he was last to take his call.It was his dad on the phone, sympathetic and supportive as fathers are, but all Richard wanted to know was “how’s Ricki …where’s Ricki?” Dad Vincent hedged, and edged, and skirted (what’s it with these Bezuidenhout men and skirts?) the issue, telling his son that he was “playing the game well”, and that his family love and support him.An emotional Richard shed some tears, and pondered his way out of the diary room, seemingly agitated that it had not been his wife.I mean, what did he think? That Ricki would be there saying “hey, Richard, just love what you’ve been doing.Great game, great plan, what you’re doing with Tatiana is awesome.Your supporters don’t think I’m their problem, so sweetie my darling, I’m just going with the flow …maybe we can even have a menage à trois when you come out …” You think? I don’t! Was Richard? REALITY BITES? Anyway, not long afterwards, Richiana took to the bedroom, and lay on the bed of their own making, looking just a wee a bit pensive.”She’s gone, I know she’s gone.I hope she’s still alive,” Richard muttered.Not sure what he meant by the “I hope she’s still alive”? If reality bit, it was fleeting.Richard was quickly back to his laughing, flirting ways and rationalising the phone call, saying he had a feeling his wife was with his Dad, but keeping quiet in the background.”You know, I think they were just calls to wish us good luck,” he said.For Tatiana, it was her sister Yolanda.Tati asked about her long-time partner, Gustav.”He’s fine,” her sister said.”We’ll talk when you come out.”I think Tatiana possibly got a better grip that there are major issues “outside”.Her comment: “It’s too late, too late for anything …we just have to accept the situation …and deal with it later.”So yip, peeps, that’s that reality.As interesting was that Ofunneka didn’t even get to speak to a family member.It was a best friend from yonks ago.Wonder if family members just couldn’t cope with the emotion of speaking to her at this stage because of THAT Saturday.If you thought that this would evoke even a smidgeon of sympathy from Richiana fans, wrong.For whatever reason, the fact that Ofu didn’t get to speak to a family member was perceived as discrimination against Richard and Tati.Go figure! POP THE CORKS After the initial surprise, the phone calls seemed to act as a tonic on Richiana and Ofunneka, now labelled “the undesirables” by some people – not me! – on the Big Brother website.They were overcome by the fact that they are IT, the final three, and were high-fiving to high heaven, wishing that they had champagne to celebrate their moment of realisation.”I feel like a champ,” boasted Richard.”Yes, we can be proud, very proud,” chimed in Ofunneka.Added: Tatiana: “It’s amazing, nothing is impossible.”Oh yes, God was also thanked for safely bringing them this far.Good Lord! Realisation comes with its own revelations.The three gave themselves hefty pats on the back for good behaviour.”I mean we didn’t finger in public,” said Richard.”We haven’t walked around naked or anything.”Yes, agreed Ofu, who’s mind seemed to suddenly flash back to THAT Saturday: “We’ve never got as drunk as we did then, NEVER …but I think it was because of all the emotional stress we’ve been through.”….”Yes,” smiled Richard, “yes.”BITS AND PIECES By today the moles, Ashanti and Victor, should have left the house.Hey, wasn’t Ashanti something else?! Beautiful and with one of those eminently likeable and genuinely nice personalities.And sexy to boot.You kind of want to cherish her.By the by, she revealed during a conversation in the garden yesterday that she’s set up a foundation for Children of War – among others, it helps former child soldiers by providing them with vocational training.She invited housemates to lend support to the cause, if they want to, once they’ve left the house.Victor, aaah Victor! The smooth Zimbabwean had Ofu getting a bit of her foxy on! She’s become all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in his company.The two quickly found common ground, and seemed to really enjoy chatting to each other and she glowed in the attention he paid her.That was kind of nice; a change from having to sort out Richiana’s problems, or what! The moles might not have caused eruptions, but they did create some turbulence! Merely by being there they disrupted the comfort zone of the ‘Big 5’ trio.And, hey, Ashanti’s way more than a pretty face.She seemed to get Richard’s number pretty quickly.Over the weekend he was quite taken aback at her response when gazunga man told her that, of course, she would want to go out with him.”Why would I, Richard?” she asked, an angelic smile spreading across her face.It left him groping for words and eventually blurting out “because I’ve got a great personality”.Again, when he was sulking after a spat with Tati on Sunday morning, a beaming Ashanti asked him “so which role are you playing today, Richard?” And she did it so genuinely and sweetly! Aitsa! * Catch BBA2 on Channel 198, DStv