Big Brother Africa: Meryl And Mwisho’s Big Phat Engagement Party!

LIGHTS, cameras, tanzanite!
Cue in byatches, bitterness and betrayal. Add sceptical relatives, ugly sisters and even a fairy godmother. And voila, you have love and lamentations in the time of reality shows!

Yip, Big Brother All Stars showcased its own Cinderella story – lock stock and two smoking barrels – this weekend.Our home girl, Meryl, and Tanzania’s Mwisho got engaged in the garden of the Big Brother house on Saturday evening.Biggie acted as the fairy godmother, creating a beautiful backdrop for the occasion, including a flower archway.Champagne was on hand, as were relatives of the happy couple – Mwisho’s older brother, Robert, who bought and brought the tanzanite engagement ring, and an uncle and aunt from Meryl’s side of the family.Handsome Nigerian Uti was eloquent and heartfelt as the man of honour, while Zimbabwe’s Munya hosted the occasion with elegance. Botswana’s Kaone provided the entertainment, performing a special traditional dance. When the big moment arrived, Mwisho, his hands shaking and seeming a little lost for words, got down on bended knee and asked Meryl if she would marry him. There was no need to ask twice. ‘I’d love to baby,’ she replied. With that, Mwisho slipped the tanzanite ring on her finger.Mwisho said he didn’t come from a romantic family and had never done something ‘like this’ before. ‘Whatever mistakes I make now, I hope I have a lifetime to do better things,’ he said before the couple sealed the moment with a passionate kiss.ANGELS AND DEMONSHave to say that Meryl’s uncle, from her father’s side of the family, and aunt, not unlike a number of viewers, were not sure what to make of the engagement. Given that it was happening on a reality show, Aunt Jamela needed to be assured that it wasn’t a joke.Definitely not, said Meryl. It was ‘very serious’. She added that she was aware that people might well have conflicting thoughts about their decision. But ‘only love and God can judge us’.Uti, who said Meryl was his best female friend ‘after Sheila’, described her as ‘a very special and wonderful person’.’As much as she is strong and independent, she has the heart of an angel,’ he said.And Mwisho? A stand-up guy, one of the most genuine people he’d met. ‘He makes her laugh and cares for her in many ways,’ Uti said.Munya, who was disarmingly nervous about hosting the ceremony, said Meryl understood him even before he walked through the door … ‘and you never held my weaknesses against me’.Eish peeps, have to say that although Munya and Kaone have never been among my top favourites, they more than rose to the occasion on Saturday, pulling out all stops to ensure it was special. Everyone buried any personal differences and celebrated the moment. More than that, they did it wholeheartedly and with grace. A big up to them!As the sun set on the day, Uti remarked that it was probably the nicest day ever in the BBA house. For Munya, it was awesome, while the engaged couple sent some heart shout-outs to Biggie.The generosity of spirit in the house was a far cry from the meanspirited atmosphere that prevailed in Farmville.THE BYATCHES OF BEASTWICKAs the celebrations got underway, the hibernators in The Barn jealoused down as they watched the proceedings on a small TV.They mourned. They wailed. They lamented. They fumed.And boy did they fume. Eish, they’re going to have to fumigate The Barn after the show to get rid of the fallout generated by Saturday’s orgy of jealousy.The air was thick with the green stuff; it rose like a towering nuclear cloud, a giant mushroom of envy mingling with self-righteousness, disapproval and malice.So toxic was the atmosphere that Jen started to see green men, or women. Heck, who knows.’It’s like I saw an alien today,’ she said. Huh? Uhmmmmmm, whatever Jen. Lerato described the engagement as ‘an abomination’; Tatiana, Sheila and Paloma said if they’d been in the house they would not have taken part.Whoa! No ways. Not them! The disapproving sisters would have gone upstairs to the bedroom and got drunk. Oh you models of propriety, you!Don’t know where the Witches of Eastwick were on Saturday night, but the Byatches of Beastwick were out in full force, drinking deeply from the chalice of malice. And daCode? He fed on the entrails of bitterness like a depraved … oops, I mean deprived … tokoloshe. ‘It’s quite disturbing … the most embarrassing bullshyte I’ve seen in my life.’Wait till you see the highlights of your lecherous nocturnal moments, dude!PUMPKINS AND PURITANSNow for the punch line. Or more like the Pooh-Bah moment.The barnmates suddenly transformed into the pumpkins … aitsa, I mean the Puritans … of Africa, the guardians of all that Africans hold dear, the gatekeepers of culture, morality and tradition.How could Mwisho and Meryl, I mean how could they get engaged in the BBA house?It’s not African, said Flirtyana, aka Tati of Richiana notoriety. What about our culture, bemoaned bed surfer Sheila. Oh the poor elders, bemoaned strip-it-to-the minimum party girl Jen.Yes, added ‘shove-me-a-man-and-see’ Lerato, puffing herself up, ‘there’s a certain standard we have’ … Aitsaaaaaaaa! Delusion meet your mama!!Yip, BBA nation you haven’t really seen what you’ve seen on your TV screens. Not the drinking, nor the sexing around, nor any other touchy-feely activities – semi-nekked or not. No indulgences of any sort.Don’t, abeg, abeg, abeg, start laughing hysterically. Write it down. In black and white: ‘The Barn is the last holdout of African virtues and values’.OK, I’m cracking up so better call it a day! Mwah … and Stay Tuned …

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