Big Brother Africa: Biggie has a Wonderbra moment

LOVE it, luv it, lahvvvv it.

Biggie has given the house a chance to get some of its edge back! Over the past couple of weeks the entertainment factor has developed Cooper’s droop; the boob tube’s been almost as flat as Maureen’s cleavage. So a bit – well more than a bit – of nip and tuck was desperately needed.You know, some lift and augmentation.And here comes Biggie with some silicone implant deviations – or, in BB lingo, fake nominations and evictions.Once again the Big gets a chance to indulge his reality show fetish.This time it’s Dr 90210 to the rescue.It’s sure left more than a few intrepid BBA watchers, and some of the housemates, as stunned as if they’d had a head-on collision with Pamela Anderson’s fulsome 36 triple Ds.With the two-camp scenario that’s emerged, some housemates just can’t figure the three people announced for possible eviction – Ofunneka, Tatiana and Kwaku.Especially given that Ofunneka and Tatiana are from the majority camp.The three housies with the lowest number of votes were announced as being up for eviction – unbeknown to the housemates.As soon as she could corner Lerato alone, Bertha, aka B, commented that the nomination permutation was totally bizarre.But I don’t know if she’s lawyered it any further.B seems a bit preoccupied with trying to offer Kwaku her pro bono services.But I think Ofunneka may have smelt a rat! While talking to Richard on Tuesday night about the most recent season of BB-UK, she dropped a casual comment in the general course of conversation that the British show had had fake evictions.Don’t know if it registered with Richard.He seemed to have other things on his mind – he generally has: all things Tatiana – and rushed off to confront Tati over why she’d dared to leave the room without giving him a goodnight kiss, or whatever their nightly pre-bed wrestling ritual involves.And, of course, a possible Penthouse overnighter was looming as large as Richard in full flight during shower hour (I hear, but have not seen!).TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER Meanwhile, Maur-blah-reen’s poised to effect regime change in the house if her diary room session is anything to go by.She’s really a leader in her own right she told Biggie.Right.It makes me wonder just what Maureen sees when she does her ‘me, myself and the mirror’ thing.Maybe she sees little people saying “take me to your leader”.I mean she and Code do seem to hang in some spaced out, extraterrestrial zone on the margins of the house.Please, people, I have nothing against Maureen.I would love to see her stepping up to the plate rather than up to Code’s crate.I mean, what on earth is she always picking off the dawg’s face?! And who can tell me why, when it’s 30 degrees Celsius in Johannesburg, sweet Maureen is running around cuddling a hot water bottle? Anyway, for now at least, Maureen feels the leadership space in the house has been rented by others and she’s biding her time.Otherwise, Code continues to float like a leaf on the river of life.Seems technically he’s settled for being the aah in Maureen’s blah.THE PENTHOUSE Aaah, the Penthouse, or should I say the Panthouse.Richiana, or Witchtart’s night in the Penthouse was a highly anticipated event among those who think cheating on your spouse is as African as pap and vleis; or that Richard and Tatiana are star-crossed lovers in some soap opera, where the wife’s emotions do not form part of the script.Expunge.Would they release their pent-up emotions? How far would the panting go? Would the pants come off? I have to confess that I did not watch the whole episode and have had to rely on well-placed sources to fill in the gaps.In short, Rich and Tati sat down to a sushi meal and proceeded to give mushy speeches aimed at viewers: we’re friends, very special friends, etc, etc.Yes, yes.Some red wine and a few beers later they were in the bath doing that five-year-old thing: you show me yours and I’ll show you mine.He took a good hard look, she declined – “I’ve seen it all before in the shower”.Anyway, after some foot fiddling in the water, he towelled her down, thoroughly, and dressed her.Well, put her thong on for her, my sources say.Richard later got aggressive, as he does when he’s had a few; Tati cried, as she does when Rich gets bolshy.They made up, as they always do.That I saw.Then the Tanzanian tease pranced around in Tati’s little black dress before giving her a long, lingering full-body massage.Lots of simulation and stimulation, I hear, but no consummation.Now Rich is being hailed by some as a hero for not crossing the ‘finishing line’.Mindboggling but true.Definitely something for Ripleys ‘Believe it or Not’.”See, he’s not cheating.”Yeah? And Meryl’s in the running to be Namibia’s High Commissioner to Botswana! Sjoe! Here I was all these years thinking that affairs were about sliding across boundaries …* Catch BBA2 on Channel 37, DStv.So a bit – well more than a bit – of nip and tuck was desperately needed.You know, some lift and augmentation.And here comes Biggie with some silicone implant deviations – or, in BB lingo, fake nominations and evictions.Once again the Big gets a chance to indulge his reality show fetish.This time it’s Dr 90210 to the rescue.It’s sure left more than a few intrepid BBA watchers, and some of the housemates, as stunned as if they’d had a head-on collision with Pamela Anderson’s fulsome 36 triple Ds.With the two-camp scenario that’s emerged, some housemates just can’t figure the three people announced for possible eviction – Ofunneka, Tatiana and Kwaku.Especially given that Ofunneka and Tatiana are from the majority camp.The three housies with the lowest number of votes were announced as being up for eviction – unbeknown to the housemates.As soon as she could corner Lerato alone, Bertha, aka B, commented that the nomination permutation was totally bizarre.But I don’t know if she’s lawyered it any further.B seems a bit preoccupied with trying to offer Kwaku her pro bono services.But I think Ofunneka may have smelt a rat! While talking to Richard on Tuesday night about the most recent season of BB-UK, she dropped a casual comment in the general course of conversation that the British show had had fake evictions.Don’t know if it registered with Richard.He seemed to have other things on his mind – he generally has: all things Tatiana – and rushed off to confront Tati over why she’d dared to leave the room without giving him a goodnight kiss, or whatever their nightly pre-bed wrestling ritual involves.And, of course, a possible Penthouse overnighter was looming as large as Richard in full flight during shower hour (I hear, but have not seen!). TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER Meanwhile, Maur-blah-reen’s poised to effect regime change in the house if her diary room session is anything to go by.She’s really a leader in her own right she told Biggie.Right.It makes me wonder just what Maureen sees when she does her ‘me, myself and the mirror’ thing.Maybe she sees little people saying “take me to your leader”.I mean she and Code do seem to hang in some spaced out, extraterrestrial zone on the margins of the house.Please, people, I have nothing against Maureen.I would love to see her stepping up to the plate rather than up to Code’s crate.I mean, what on earth is she always picking off the dawg’s face?! And who can tell me why, when it’s 30 degrees Celsius in Johannesburg, sweet Maureen is running around cuddling a hot water bottle? Anyway, for now at least, Maureen feels the leadership space in the house has been rented by others and she’s biding her time.Otherwise, Code continues to float like a leaf on the river of life.Seems technically he’s settled for being the aah in Maureen’s blah.THE PENTHOUSE Aaah, the Penthouse, or should I say the Panthouse.Richiana, or Witchtart’s night in the Penthouse was a highly anticipated event among those who think cheating on your spouse is as African as pap and vleis; or that Richard and Tatiana are star-crossed lovers in some soap opera, where the wife’s emotions do not form part of the script.Expunge.Would they release their pent-up emotions? How far would the panting go? Would the pants come off? I have to confess that I did not watch the whole episode and have had to rely on well-placed sources to fill in the gaps.In short, Rich and Tati sat down to a sushi meal and proceeded to give mushy speeches aimed at viewers: we’re friends, very special friends, etc, etc.Yes, yes.Some red wine and a few beers later they were in the bath doing that five-year-old thing: you show me yours and I’ll show you mine.He took a good hard look, she declined – “I’ve seen it all before in the shower”.Anyway, after some foot fiddling in the water, he towelled her down, thoroughly, and dressed her.Well, put her thong on for her, my sources say.Richard later got aggressive, as he does when he’s had a few; Tati cried, as she does when Rich gets bolshy.They made up, as they always do.That I saw.Then the Tanzanian tease pranced around in Tati’s little black dress before giving her a long, lingering full-body massage.Lots of simulation and stimulation, I hear, but no consummation.Now Rich is being hailed by some as a hero for not crossing the ‘finishing line’.Mindboggling but true.Definitely something for Ripleys ‘Believe it or Not’.”See, he’s not cheating.”Yeah? And Meryl’s in the running to be Namibia’s High Commissioner to Botswana! Sjoe! Here I was all these years thinking that affairs were about sliding across boundaries …* Catch BBA2 on Channel 37, DStv.