Big Brother Africa 3: Who cooked the goose?

WHERE’S the ‘No 1 Ladies Detective Agency’ when you need them? Come in No 1.

Page in Precious Ramotswe. S.O.S!! I desperately need someone to solve life’s little mysteries! Y’know, like who’s stolen my rain, who’s stolen my space on the faces@places page and WHO’S stolen my entertainment.Eish peeps, I’ve been robbed of prime viewing in the BBA3 house.Feel like I’m trapped in a warped episode of ‘South Park’, the one where Imaginationland is blown up by ‘terrorists’ – yes those of you voting out the lively housemates, I’m talking about you.Yes you! And I’m looking you straight in the eye.Has there been a wave of mass attacks in which BBA viewers have been hit over the head with cook books, or what?!! SNOWLOGGED After a shortlived flurry of snow and excitement over the arrival of Finnish housemate Johan, the buzz has melted to a slow drip …I mean who really wants to listen to TK dumping on us for a good 15 minutes or so about his bowel movements, while braai-ing nogal? Hella no! All this while filling up on boerewors.Or Hazel and Thami having one of those morbid conversations from beyond the grave.On Tuesday night, or was it Wednesday? Whenever.Whatever.Anyway, they were Prozac-ing on about the meaning of their lives, the global importance of ant hills and …the meaning of life, the mating habits of sleeping pills …and, and …zzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzZZZZZ.Sjoe getting author haze here.Back to reality.OK, Hazel was trying to get Thami to give some up.Not that.That.She wanted to know if he was satisfied with his life, etc, etc.Thami did Thami to perfection.He mumbled a thami-tude about how he’s still discovering himself, all the while casting agitated looks towards the braai fire! Got the feeling he’d rather have been shooting craps with TK and the boys round the braai fire ….uhmmmm, yes.THE AXIS OF BOREDOM Thami’s nice.Hazel’s nice.But nice is not cutting it for me.I crave spice.Come on Hazel, give us some Nigella!! Break out girl! We’ve seen you on the dance floor.Have too.There’s some inner self there waiting to be released! And Thami? Dude, get some prowl on.This is not how the Springboks won the World Cup.Read my lips, Tha-hyena: BBA3 is not, I repeat not, the superbowl for bores!! Can’t believe he told Big-E during a diary session this week that he feels the strongest contenders are Morris and Hazel.Eeuuuuuuuuuuw! Pinch me and tell me I’m not in purgatory.I fear for Hazel, Thami, TK and Morris.Truly.If they don’t pimp their action, I can see them making George W Bush’s ‘axis of …’ list; and believe me this axis of boredom is a threat.They’re weapons of mass destruction when it comes to entertainment! As for the cantankerous mini-me’s of the AMM (anti-Mimi Movement), let them eat moose! Better still, call in Sarah Palin to field dress them like a moose.I resent that the AMM and their cantankerous hangers-on have infringed on my right to know! Mimi was the resident CNN anchor in the house.She, and only she, could give us the inside track on the goings-on in the house.Dayum.THE REST Munya’s still blonding and bonding in the Finland BB (BBF) house.On Wednesday night, BBF inmates had a traditional Finnish Christmas dinner.First though, they all had to dip into an ice tub, stark naked.Everybody had to stay in until the others counted to 10.Then they streaked off to the sauna and the hot tub.Inbetween, two-minute noodle man and his blonde interest, Cheryll, seem tohave been getting down with kinky.On Wednesday, the two spent time whipping each other with Birch branches, supposedly to ease their tense muscles! Yeah, yeah.Otherwise peeps, time to choose.Hope you’re voting your least favourite housemate out.This week, of course, it’s Takondwa and Ricco.Just a reminder that you must spell names correctly.No abbreviations either! Had to laugh at a comment by Ricco during his diary session.He told The Big that Tawana was “more talkative, more loose” with Finnish housemate Johan in the house! Hmmmmmmm …can Ta-wanna-sum-sex get any looser!!!! * Stay tuned to Channel 198, watch the daily shows on Channel 102 at 20h00.Keep sending your thoughts and opinions to bba@namibian.com.na.S.O.S!! I desperately need someone to solve life’s little mysteries! Y’know, like who’s stolen my rain, who’s stolen my space on the faces@places page and WHO’S stolen my entertainment.Eish peeps, I’ve been robbed of prime viewing in the BBA3 house.Feel like I’m trapped in a warped episode of ‘South Park’, the one where Imaginationland is blown up by ‘terrorists’ – yes those of you voting out the lively housemates, I’m talking about you.Yes you! And I’m looking you straight in the eye.Has there been a wave of mass attacks in which BBA viewers have been hit over the head with cook books, or what?!! SNOWLOGGED After a shortlived flurry of snow and excitement over the arrival of Finnish housemate Johan, the buzz has melted to a slow drip …I mean who really wants to listen to TK dumping on us for a good 15 minutes or so about his bowel movements, while braai-ing nogal? Hella no! All this while filling up on boerewors.Or Hazel and Thami having one of those morbid conversations from beyond the grave.On Tuesday night, or was it Wednesday? Whenever.Whatever.Anyway, they were Prozac-ing on about the meaning of their lives, the global importance of ant hills and …the meaning of life, the mating habits of sleeping pills …and, and …zzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzZZZZZ.Sjoe getting author haze here.Back to reality.OK, Hazel was trying to get Thami to give some up.Not that.That.She wanted to know if he was satisfied with his life, etc, etc.Thami did Thami to perfection.He mumbled a thami-tude about how he’s still discovering himself, all the while casting agitated looks towards the braai fire! Got the feeling he’d rather have been shooting craps with TK and the boys round the braai fire ….uhmmmm, yes.THE AXIS OF BOREDOM Thami’s nice.Hazel’s nice.But nice is not cutting it for me.I crave spice.Come on Hazel, give us some Nigella!! Break out girl! We’ve seen you on the dance floor.Have too.There’s some inner self there waiting to be released! And Thami? Dude, get some prowl on.This is not how the Springboks won the World Cup.Read my lips, Tha-hyena: BBA3 is not, I repeat not, the superbowl for bores!! Can’t believe he told Big-E during a diary session this week that he feels the strongest contenders are Morris and Hazel.Eeuuuuuuuuuuw! Pinch me and tell me I’m not in purgatory.I fear for Hazel, Thami, TK and Morris.Truly.If they don’t pimp their action, I can see them making George W Bush’s ‘axis of …’ list; and believe me this axis of boredom is a threat.They’re weapons of mass destruction when it comes to entertainment! As for the cantankerous mini-me’s of the AMM (anti-Mimi Movement), let them eat moose! Better still, call in Sarah Palin to field dress them like a moose.I resent that the AMM and their cantankerous hangers-on have infringed on my right to know! Mimi was the resident CNN anchor in the house.She, and only she, could give us the inside track on the goings-on in the house.Dayum.THE REST Munya’s still blonding and bonding in the Finland BB (BBF) house.On Wednesday night, BBF inmates had a traditional Finnish Christmas dinner.First though, they all had to dip into an ice tub, stark naked.Everybody had to stay in until the others counted to 10.Then they streaked off to the sauna and the hot tub.Inbetween, two-minute noodle man and his blonde interest, Cheryll, seem tohave been getting down with kinky.On Wednesday, the two spent time whipping each other with Birch branches, supposedly to ease their tense muscles! Yeah, yeah.Otherwise peeps, time to choose.Hope you’re voting your least favourite housemate out.This week, of course, it’s Takondwa and Ricco.Just a reminder that you must spell names correctly.No abbreviations either! Had to laugh at a comment by Ricco during his diary session.He told The Big that Tawana was “more talkative, more loose” with Finnish housemate Johan in the house! Hmmmmmmm …can Ta-wanna-sum-sex get any looser!!!! * Stay tuned to Channel 198, watch the daily shows on Channel 102 at 20h00.Keep sending your thoughts and opinions to bba@namibian.com.na.