Big Brother Africa 2: About The Bezuidenhout Boy

ON Sunday, “Africa” had a yahoo moment.

Why? For the love of Africa, why? Google me! They effectively told Richard’s wife to butt out of their relationship with him, embraced infidelity, gave a heads up to men across the continent to cheat and gazunga-ed adulterous relationships with the kiss of approval. What else can one read into people voting not to evict the bedswerving married Tanzanian housemate? OK, “Africa” is a bit sweeping – read the majority of BBA viewers across Africa.But my people, my people, when the sweeping, weeping BB majority expresso themselves, IT IS “Africa has spoken”.And you mess with the cult of Richiana at your own peril! Aah, Richiana.Are our TV screens big enough for the magnitude of the moment? Can our emotions withstand it? Are there enough Kleenexes in the house, are there enough Kleenexes in Africa?! Are we man enough? Are we woman enough? Are we dreadlocked enough? Are we Tatiania-ed in or are we just plain Tatiania-ed out? Can we absorb the universal meaning of it all, this pivotal moment in the history of human relationships? Issues, issues.Global warming? Hella, no! We have bed warming! Forget ‘Titanic’, ‘Gone With The Wind’ (which Richard’s wife may well have), ‘Love Story’ and ‘Pretty Woman’, the BBA2 house has produced the greatest love of all.Dim the lights, rub the wedding ring, pound the drums, sound the trumpets, BUT just don’t have Code on guitar …Africa, WE PRESENT …’Richiana’! Sob, sob.Weep, weep.It’s drags to riches.Unadulterated drama.Hollywood beckons.Roll out the red carpet, iiiiiiiiiit’s Oscar time.”I thank God, Jah, Whitney Houston, the BB academy, Tatiana, Mills and Boon, my dreadlocks, Sharleen Surtie-Richards, the gazunga …and, most of all, my ex-wife without whom I would not be standing here today.Celebrity dawgs, flip it, if I hadn’t had a woman to cheat on, where would I be today? “I’m the king of the vows …!” (Sorry, James Cameron, Leo, Kate, et al).Etsê …FOR THE LOVE OF AFRICA Dare I be the party pooper, the unwelcome house guest, the grinch who steals romance? Dare I exercise my freedom of speech? Yes.YES! YESSSSS!! Not that it’s likely to make any difference.But even my cats are now dry humping like the Bezuidenhout (Rich’s surname) boy.And that gives me rights.Miaow rights.So it’s FULL METAL JACKET, peeps, the majority be DAYUMED! Let the fur fly and the dreadlocks land where they will.Why? Why are people across the continent turning a blind eye to a married man humiliating his wife in front of millions? In the real world, real people are getting hurt.Simple, said a colleague, “Africans love adultery.They condemn it, but quietly approve of it.”Sjoe! I don’t buy it.I think that’s also a sweeping statement.Maybe some Africans …Hypocrisy is everywhere.I’ve said more than once that Richard has many sweet aspects, and stuff happens.But one day he’s declaring his love for his wife, the next minute he’s carrying on like Tati’s the only woman in the world.During his infamous romp in the grass with Tatiana on Saturday, he all but divorced his wife in front of millions of viewers on TV.He declared undying love for the Angolan model – “I’m ready to stand against the world for you”; did his ‘I’m just a dreadlocked boy lying on top of a girl asking her to bump me’ thang; and, whispered “if loving you is wrong, let it be right”.And capped it with “the world is so nice, it will never let us out of here (be evicted)”! This 10 days or so after saying that he wanted out of the house because he “might be” hurting his wife.Eish, ‘paramour de luxe’ stuff.And hell, are people embracing it.They’re shedding tears, enough tears to solve Africa’s water crisis.Has Richard become divorced from reality? Are we living the wrong reality? I’m dazed and confused.It’s all a bit rich for me.Just don’t tell me “it’s a game”.THE BIRTH OF ‘BERTHZILLA’ And just when you thought it was safe to step out of the house, there’s Bertha.’Extreme makeover’ Bertha, aka B.Not missionary B (she’s more into the missionary position these days), but Bertha with a mission.She might not be there for you on a Friday, but she sure as hell will be there for you on a Sunday! The scent of a man has really set the pheromones among the hormones.Beware.Bertha has unberthed and been rebirthed.She’s stepped out of the God zone into Godzilla territory, shifted gears from heaven-sent to hellbent.We now have an uhmmmm …”balanced Bertha”, and, yes, an “I-have-needs” Bertha.There she was, berthed at the end of the red carpet come Kwaku’s eviction, looking good I might add, having all but left her eviction party in Harare in mid-stream to jet to SA to “protect” her relationship with K! And for “protect”, read “keep him as far away from Meryl as possible”.But rebalanced and retreaded (well the braids, anyway), Berthzilla will scale any heights or plumb any depths, it seems, to hook the man.Crampon-studded heels helping her to keep a grip as the crowd chanted “Meryl, Meryl”, grappling rope and grapples at the ready, pitons in her emergency Bobbi Brown pouch, Bertha stood her ground outside the house on Sunday night.’Mission Kwaku’ is in full swing.I think the hunky Ghanaian had a premonition of what lay ahead.When Biggie woke up housemates with up-tempo classical music played at full blast on Sunday morning, Kwaku commented to Code: “I thought Godzilla had stepped on the house.”No K, it was Berthzilla! * Catch BBA2 on Channel 198, DStv.What else can one read into people voting not to evict the bedswerving married Tanzanian housemate? OK, “Africa” is a bit sweeping – read the majority of BBA viewers across Africa.But my people, my people, when the sweeping, weeping BB majority expresso themselves, IT IS “Africa has spoken”.And you mess with the cult of Richiana at your own peril! Aah, Richiana.Are our TV screens big enough for the magnitude of the moment? Can our emotions withstand it? Are there enough Kleenexes in the house, are there enough Kleenexes in Africa?! Are we man enough? Are we woman enough? Are we dreadlocked enough? Are we Tatiania-ed in or are we just plain Tatiania-ed out? Can we absorb the universal meaning of it all, this pivotal moment in the history of human relationships? Issues, issues.Global warming? Hella, no! We have bed warming! Forget ‘Titanic’, ‘Gone With The Wind’ (which Richard’s wife may well have), ‘Love Story’ and ‘Pretty Woman’, the BBA2 house has produced the greatest love of all.Dim the lights, rub the wedding ring, pound the drums, sound the trumpets, BUT just don’t have Code on guitar …Africa, WE PRESENT …’Richiana’! Sob, sob.Weep, weep.It’s drags to riches.Unadulterated drama.Hollywood beckons.Roll out the red carpet, iiiiiiiiiit’s Oscar time.”I thank God, Jah, Whitney Houston, the BB academy, Tatiana, Mills and Boon, my dreadlocks, Sharleen Surtie-Richards, the gazunga …and, most of all, my ex-wife without whom I would not be standing here today.Celebrity dawgs, flip it, if I hadn’t had a woman to cheat on, where would I be today? “I’m the king of the vows …!” (Sorry, James Cameron, Leo, Kate, et al).Etsê … FOR THE LOVE OF AFRICA Dare I be the party pooper, the unwelcome house guest, the grinch who steals romance? Dare I exercise my freedom of speech? Yes.YES! YESSSSS!! Not that it’s likely to make any difference.But even my cats are now dry humping like the Bezuidenhout (Rich’s surname) boy.And that gives me rights.Miaow rights.So it’s FULL METAL JACKET, peeps, the majority be DAYUMED! Let the fur fly and the dreadlocks land where they will.Why? Why are people across the continent turning a blind eye to a married man humiliating his wife in front of millions? In the real world, real people are getting hurt.Simple, said a colleague, “Africans love adultery.They condemn it, but quietly approve of it.”Sjoe! I don’t buy it.I think that’s also a sweeping statement.Maybe some Africans …Hypocrisy is everywhere.I’ve said more than once that Richard has many sweet aspects, and stuff happens.But one day he’s declaring his love for his wife, the next minute he’s carrying on like Tati’s the only woman in the world.During his infamous romp in the grass with Tatiana on Saturday, he all but divorced his wife in front of millions of viewers on TV.He declared undying love for the Angolan model – “I’m ready to stand against the world for you”; did his ‘I’m just a dreadlocked boy lying on top of a girl asking her to bump me’ thang; and, whispered “if loving you is wrong, let it be right”.And capped it with “the world is so nice, it will never let us out of here (be evicted)”! This 10 days or so after saying that he wanted out of the house because he “might be” hurting his wife.Eish, ‘paramour de luxe’ stuff.And hell, are people embracing it.They’re shedding tears, enough tears to solve Africa’s water crisis.Has Richard become divorced from reality? Are we living the wrong reality? I’m dazed and confused.It’s all a bit rich for me.Just don’t tell me “it’s a game”.THE BIRTH OF ‘BERTHZILLA’ And just when you thought it was safe to step out of the house, there’s Bertha.’Extreme makeover’ Bertha, aka B.Not missionary B (she’s more into the missionary position these days), but Bertha with a mission.She might not be there for you on a Friday, but she sure as hell will be there for you on a Sunday! The scent of a man has really set the pheromones among the hormones.Beware.Bertha has unberthed and been rebirthed.She’s stepped out of the God zone into Godzilla territory, shifted gears from heaven-sent to hellbent.We now have an uhmmmm …”balanced Bertha”, and, yes, an “I-have-needs” Bertha.There she was, berthed at the end of the red carpet come Kwaku’s eviction, looking good I might add, having all but left her eviction party in Harare in mid-stream to jet to SA to “protect” her relationship with K! And for “protect”, read “keep him as far away from Meryl as possible”.But rebalanced and retreaded (well the braids, anyway), Berthzilla will scale any heights or plumb any depths, it seems, to hook the man.Crampon-studded heels helping her to keep a grip as the crowd chanted “Meryl, Meryl”, grappling rope and grapples at the ready, pitons in her emergency Bobbi Brown pouch, Bertha stood her ground outside the house on Sunday night. ‘Mission Kwaku’ is in full swing.I think the hunky Ghanaian had a premonition of what lay ahead.When Biggie woke up housemates with up-tempo classical music played at full blast on Sunday morning, Kwaku commented to Code: “I thought Godzilla had stepped on the house.”No K, it was Berthzilla! * Catch BBA2 on Channel 198, DStv.