Sean Kamati is slowly but surely eating the entire world. He eats Nandos in the morning, scoffs sushi with Roya Diehl in the evening and lately, around lunch time, he’s been heading to Flaunt Deli to eat everything that lends itself to mastication.
Though this flavourful flirtation with obesity is entirely Sean’s business, he makes it mine by posting drool-inducing pictures of food from all over town on Facebook with exclamations like “I want a job where I can get paid to eat!” or “IT’S LIKE ALL FOOD SHOPS ARE TALKING TO ME…” “I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food” and “CURRENT EMOTION: HUNGGGAAAAA.”
And it’s one particularly Willy Wonka ‘esque photograph of Flaunt Deli’s confectionery that sees me working up an unprecedented sweat on the treadmill before rushing toward this brand new scourge on my summer body.
Though things rarely scare me by daylight, I recoil in horror because the place is utter and unequivocal death to diets.
Drowning in mini lemon meringues, petite peppermint crisp tarts, miniscule milk tarts and all manner of things blinding my better self, I walk towards the salad bar with determination and order the dairy free wheat grass, mint, coconut oil and apple juice smoothie someone with more sense posted on Facebook that morning.
Incredibly, it goes down somewhat like a virgin mojito, which allows me to pretend I’m getting my buzz on without the screaming hangovers that are getting belligerent with age. Also, as I live on a planet where everything healthy tastes like cardboard cutlets, I’m mighty impressed by the fact that I’m not gagging a little in my mouth.
Soon my attention turns to the “Design Your Sandwich Bar” where you can make all kinds of mammoth sandwiches with ingredients like caramelized onions, chili salsa, hummus, beef sirloin, roasted pork and sundried tomatoes all on homemade bread.
This, I think, is genius because who wants to make their own sandwiches? Isn’t that why men get married? So they have someone to make them sandwiches? My thoughts on this are as follows: “Fellas, head to Flaunt Deli and leave us ladies out of your slow descent into bald impotence and the world will know peace.”
I’m kidding. Or am I?
Either way, Flaunt Deli remains delightful. It has artistic collections of teas with quirky titles like “Real Men Drink Tea,” “Tea for Menopause” and “Tea for Arty Ladies,” which is adorned with a wicked print of Frida Kahlo and these eccentric items are all being sold in between old chests, wooden cupboards and little lanterns from behind a mirror mosaic check-out island run by the lovely Hanli who has just started the run of the place.
Though it goes against all ambition I have for my ass, I don’t leave without ordering a gold dusted chocolate brownie that is winking at me from across a display of homemade chicken lasagna, basil pesto, butternut and lentil lasagna, apricot mustard dressing, raw agave syrup and assorted organic greens.
Suddenly, I know that this is where my diet has just died and I am in the middle of praying for its discarded soul when Hanli urges me not to take a photo of the messy looking brownies.
They are a mess.
A large, chocolate, moist, N$20 mess and I wonder who in their right mind wants a brownie to look neat, dry and like something prone to sticking in one’s throat. They are perfect and delicious.
So I take my picture, buy my brownie and decide to recommend this novel spot in my column so we can all be mistaken for beached whales in Swakopmund this December… because everything is better together.
I suppose after hearing my story, you may not want to take the word of a famished woman dodging carbs like creditors. So, if you don’t take mine, take Sean’s.
Because his singing is as good as his supreme ability to nurture food babies.
Flaunt Deli is situated at the Maerua Mall Lifestyle Centre(next to Flaunt and is open for take-aways between Opening hours 8 – 6 on weekdays and from 08h00 to 14h00 on Saturdays.
– martha@namibian.com.na or marth__vader on Twitter
