The heat is in the house!

SEEMS you have to be a cross between Mother Teresa and bad-girl supermodel Naomi Campbell to be the ideal BBA2 woman! Show even the barest minimum of skin and you’re a tart, embarrassing, a disgrace.

Judgement day is nigh! The religious right’s stormtroopers are on standby. George W Bush is itching to invade new territory.Be restrained like Nigeria’s Ofunneka, for one, and you’re dull, need to loosen up, don’t belong in the house.”Go visit The Vatican,” wrote one BBA SMSer.Or, “join a convent”, another.Eish! The hypocrisy.The pharisees have been unleashed.And it ain’t a pretty sight.Which brings me to Meryl.Of course! Who sparks as much controversy as anyone in the house, to put it mildly.There are some Namibians who, at the mere mention of Meryl, turn up their noses.Their mouths tighten, their faces pinch up (think Maggie Thatcher at her blue-rinse best), and with the evangelical fervour of a Jimmy Swaggart, THAT phrase rolls tartly off their tongues: “She doesn’t represent Namibian women”.Sniff, sniff.Seems disapproval can be just as much of a high as a cocaine habit.Just who is a typical Namibian woman? Marlene Mungunda? Veronica de Klerk? Pendukeni Iivula-Ithana? Michelle McLean? Barbara Kahatjipara? Mia de Klerk? Hilda Basson-Namundjebo? Nora Appolus? Monica Kalondo? Christina Swart-Opperman? Gal Level? Let’s get real.Namibian women are D.I.V.E.R.S.E Leave our girl be.Not that she needs much encouragement! She hasn’t been anywhere near as outrageous as Madonna or Brenda Fassie, and she sure hasn’t shown more booty than Destiny’s Child or Rihanna (and a whole lot less than Naomi Campbell, 50 Cent, or Janet Jackson for that matter).Meryl has a few drinks.Shock, horror.Meryl utters a few swear words.Shock, horror.Meryl wears a bikini in the Jacuzzi.Shock, horror.Meryl shakes her booty.The mother of all shocks and horrors.Lighten up.This is not children’s hour, tea with the dominee or the teddy bear’s picnic.It’s a REALITY SHOW.Get with the programme.And Meryl’s the real deal.The girl’s only 21, “freshly 21” as she told Ofunneka.She’s a natural woman.Young, sure.Freshly ground.But she is what she is.Give the girl credit, she has a good heart, she’s not malicious.She’s all of crazy, and she’s doing a whole lot better than fine.THE OKAPERSON Which is something you can’t say about Justice.How on earth he made it into BBA is beyond me.He must have won his place in a debating competition.The man is a perennial whiner.(I sometimes think Justice confuses whiner with winner.) In yet another diary room session, he simpered to Biggy that people were – YAWN – still “picking” on him.This from a man who, according to him, has debated the “greats” of the student world – from Oxford University to Sydney.He sure doesn’t fall short when it comes to colouring the totem pole of ego.But he can’t get it up with fellow housemates in verbal one-on-ones.He whimpers, whines and wanes.Still, Justice’s okaperson (thanks Ebbs, for pimping my Oshi) sympathy ploy is working.At least one colleague told me today to “take it easy on him”.Yeah, well.A week down the line: first nominations looming, alliances forming, gossip mushrooming.Issues, issues, issues.The bubble is building in the house.But I still think Big is having something of a reality identity crisis.First it was a ‘Desperate Housemates’ thing, then a walk on the wild side with the Big showing ‘Survivor’ tendencies.Now an ‘Idols’ interlude on Sunday (with the real ‘Idols’ judges, nogal!) The less said the better.None of the housemates did particularly well, but the grudge judges seemed to think they were all that, and more.In short, a bore.Even BBA fans gave them the diss.What a difference a week makes.Fortunes are ebbing and flowing.Richard has transformed.Wow.The hunk is in the house.From Prozac slumber to quite the number.Got to love it.He and Meryl are definitely the enfantes terribles of the house.Jeff, alias ‘Shrek’, appears to have gone into hibernation, Tatiana is shrugging off her inhibitions and getting saucy with it.Kwaku, aaaah, Kwaku.Have mixed feelings about the Ghanaian dandy.It seems he’s trying to play the female field to secure his place in the house, at least according to the house brothers.He and Code, who has turned into the house’s walking, talking version of Heat magazine (gossip supremo), think they’re God’s gift to women.That from their own mouths.Ofunneka.Warming to the righteous sister.She gives good diary sessions.Loved her solo dance floor styling.Shows she can funk it up with the best.She just needs to let the spirit move her.Lerato, ever vibrato, is already worrying (dreaming, maybe? ouch) of fame outside the house, and how she’s going to avoid the paparazzi.You know.”What if they photograph me with sweat stains under my arms?” Aaaaah, the stain of fame! * The BBA SMS number is: 15626; the Web address is: http://www.mnetafrica.com/Bigbrother; and, of course, the action takes place on Channel 37, DStv.George W Bush is itching to invade new territory.Be restrained like Nigeria’s Ofunneka, for one, and you’re dull, need to loosen up, don’t belong in the house.”Go visit The Vatican,” wrote one BBA SMSer.Or, “join a convent”, another.Eish! The hypocrisy.The pharisees have been unleashed.And it ain’t a pretty sight.Which brings me to Meryl.Of course! Who sparks as much controversy as anyone in the house, to put it mildly.There are some Namibians who, at the mere mention of Meryl, turn up their noses.Their mouths tighten, their faces pinch up (think Maggie Thatcher at her blue-rinse best), and with the evangelical fervour of a Jimmy Swaggart, THAT phrase rolls tartly off their tongues: “She doesn’t represent Namibian women”.Sniff, sniff.Seems disapproval can be just as much of a high as a cocaine habit.Just who is a typical Namibian woman? Marlene Mungunda? Veronica de Klerk? Pendukeni Iivula-Ithana? Michelle McLean? Barbara Kahatjipara? Mia de Klerk? Hilda Basson-Namundjebo? Nora Appolus? Monica Kalondo? Christina Swart-Opperman? Gal Level? Let’s get real.Namibian women are D.I.V.E.R.S.E Leave our girl be.Not that she needs much encouragement! She hasn’t been anywhere near as outrageous as Madonna or Brenda Fassie, and she sure hasn’t shown more booty than Destiny’s Child or Rihanna (and a whole lot less than Naomi Campbell, 50 Cent, or Janet Jackson for that matter).Meryl has a few drinks.Shock, horror.Meryl utters a few swear words.Shock, horror.Meryl wears a bikini in the Jacuzzi.Shock, horror.Meryl shakes her booty.The mother of all shocks and horrors.Lighten up.This is not children’s hour, tea with the dominee or the teddy bear’s picnic.It’s a REALITY SHOW.Get with the programme.And Meryl’s the real deal.The girl’s only 21, “freshly 21” as she told Ofunneka.She’s a natural woman.Young, sure.Freshly ground.But she is what she is.Give the girl credit, she has a good heart, she’s not malicious.She’s all of crazy, and she’s doing a whole lot better than fine.THE OKAPERSON Which is something you can’t say about Justice.How on earth he made it into BBA is beyond me.He must have won his place in a debating competition.The man is a perennial whiner.(I sometimes think Justice confuses whiner with winner.) In yet another diary room session, he simpered to Biggy that people were – YAWN – still “picking” on him.This from a man who, according to him, has debated the “greats” of the student world – from Oxford University to Sydney.He sure doesn’t fall short when it comes to colouring the totem pole of ego.But he can’t get it up with fellow housemates in verbal one-on-ones.He whimpers, whines and wanes.Still, Justice’s okaperson (thanks Ebbs, for pimping my Oshi) sympathy ploy is working.At least one colleague told me today to “take it easy on him”.Yeah, well.A week down the line: first nominations looming, alliances forming, gossip mushrooming.Issues, issues, issues.The bubble is building in the house.But I still think Big is having something of a reality identity crisis.First it was a ‘Desperate Housemates’ thing, then a walk on the wild side with the Big showing ‘Survivor’ tendencies.Now an ‘Idols’ interlude on Sunday (with the real ‘Idols’ judges, nogal!) The less said the better.None of the housemates did particularly well, but the grudge judges seemed to think they were all that, and more.In short, a bore.Even BBA fans gave them the diss.What a difference a week makes.Fortunes are ebbing and flowing.Richard has transformed.Wow.The hunk is in the house.From Prozac slumber to quite the number.Got to love it.He and Meryl are definitely the enfantes terribles of the house.Jeff, alias ‘Shrek’, appears to have gone into hibernation, Tatiana is shrugging off her inhibitions and getting saucy with it.Kwaku, aaaah, Kwaku.Have mixed feelings about the Ghanaian dandy.It seems he’s trying to play the female field to secure his place in the house, at least according to the house brothers.He and Code, who has turned into the house’s walking, talking version of Heat magazine (gossip supremo), think they’re God’s gift to women.That from their own mouths.Ofunneka.Warming to the righteous sister.She gives good diary sessions.Loved her solo dance floor styling.Shows she can funk it up with the best.She just needs to let the spirit move her.Lerato, ever vibrato, is already worrying (dreaming, maybe? ouch) of fame outside the house, and how she’s going to avoid the paparazzi.You know.”What if they photograph me with sweat stains under my arms?” Aaaaah, the stain of fame! * The BBA SMS number is: 15626; the Web address is: http://www.mnetafrica.com/Bigbrother; and, of course, the action takes place on Channel 37, DStv.