I Write, Therefore I Am

I wrote a 108 000-word book in 75 days.

All my life that’s all I’ve ever wanted to do.

I’ve dreamt many times about all the different ways I could achieve such a feat. I have fantasised about book launches, film adaptations, designing the cover and reading reviews.

I’ve always thought of myself as an author. I can’t imagine identifying as anything other than that. When people ask me what I do for a living, I say “I’m a writer”. Even the word “journalist” feels too inaccurate to fully encapsulate how I view myself.

I blame ‘The Princess Diaries’ series, my primary school library teacher, Ms Kleinsmith, and my family.

‘Princess Diaries’ is a children’s book series about a young girl who wants to be a published author. It was my favourite thing to read in my youth, and I think I just liked that book so much that I convinced myself I would be like her.

Ms Kleinsmith encouraged my love of literature and storytelling. She opened my eyes to all the wonders of the fiction world and it has stuck with me.

And then of course my parents. They’ve been pushing me to excel for as long as I can remember.

My dad used to say: “If you want to be a writer, you need to be the very best of the bunch. You need to go to school, you need to practise.”

So I’ve spent a long time trying to realise this dream. I’ve of course taken a few detours along the way, but it’s always been on my mind.

I promise you that not a single day can go by without me thinking of all the stories I still need to tell. I’ve been writing for a long time, but I’ve barely got started in the field I truly want to excel in.

So yes, I wrote a book. Truthfully, the process nearly drove me mad.

See, I was hospitalised earlier this year. I was having dizzy spells and needed to be hooked up to a drip to manage them.

It was truly the most miserable experience of my life, but while I was there, two important things happened.

Firstly, I did a lot of fiction reading. Several books passed through my fingertips in the short time I was a patient. I have always loved reading, but these days I hardly find the time, so when I was basically locked up I found the joy in it again.

It really inspired me and showed me that my dreams are valid.

The second thing that happened was that I, for a brief moment, legitimately thought I might die.

I was being dramatic of course, but it really irked my spirit that life can change in the blink of an eye.

I really could leave this earth at any time, and it cannot be before I’ve published a book, I thought.

Ever since I left the hospital, the thought of dying without my name on the back of a tantalising work of fiction just did not sit well with me.

While I was recovering at home, I knew it was time to put one of my many ideas down on paper and finally start myself on the path I’ve always wanted to be.

Averaging 1 440 words per day (on good days I wrote up to 10 000) and being fully engrossed in the process of learning, I cranked out my first-ever attempt at a novel. That in itself brings me immense joy.

I do not regret the path my life has taken. I do not wish I had started sooner. I think what I’ve gone through and experienced over the years happened the way it was supposed to, and all of that brought me to the point now where I think I have some solid stories to tell.

Trying to give my book a good first edit has kind of sent me into an existential crisis, because I believe I have something really good on my hands and it’s important I do it to the best of my ability.

I’m reading a lot, attending online workshops, watching other authors and editors talk about their processes, I have a notebook full of ideas, notes and corrections, and I have this feeling in my gut that once I publish, my life will change forever.

I generally don’t like to share this type of news in my column, lest I risk counting my unhatched eggs, but at this point I know absolutely nothing can stop what I’ve already started.

There are a few things I’ve realised on this journey. I’ve come to understand that anything is possible, and it doesn’t matter if I think I’m on the right path or not.

It doesn’t matter if I think I’m starting too late or if I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing.

I got this.

– Anne Hambuda is a writer, social commentator and poet. Follow her online or email her annehambuda@gmail.com for more.