Here’s what Malema might say

WITH the help of my friends in high offices, I have captured this revolutionary draft speech of Julius Malema. I just hope these elders would behave and let the man come. Judge for yourself.

No protocol observed!I am here in Nambabwea, I mean Namibia, because I was invited to South Africa’s tenth province. See, if you are a true revolutionary, comrades from all over the country and continent will see you and invite you. And this is how the youth can also make money.I wanted to start with a joke so I brought my matric certificate.So for your benefit and enjoyment, I am going to talk about myself. Here are some quotes attributed to me over the years. I will not say they are all correct and true but let’s talk about it.Let me follow the example of the imperialist media and talk about me.’I am a man of big ideas. I am also not afraid to speak my mind if I have one that day.’Revolutionary young Africans don’t just have to rely on the crumbs passed to them by the elders in the form of tenders and tjo-tjo and we can install our own swimming pools. We don’t have to rely on Italian businessmen. I’m making some serious money from this talk and I used to be an African youth.I just want to tell that dick-tator Jacob Zuma and his lackeys. I’m not leaving politics! EVA! How do you want to deal with me now? Banish me to Botswana or what? One isn’t born into politics but when politics plants its sweaty, arse on your face you have to think of your dignity. But I’m never leaving it. How can you quit something which is in your blood? ‘You can arrest me, but you can’t arrest my ideas.’ Yes, I’ve said it! I am the true and only livelong President of South Africa! Ai, I mean of the ANC Youth League (ANCYL). Unfortunately, because of the reactionary dick-tatorial tendencies of the elders in my party, I’m out in the cold, or so they thought. But I have jackets. You know, Gucci, Fubu, Carducci and even Dickies jackets. When these old people suspended me they thought I would become hungry, stupid and ugly. They lied to themselves. Revolutionary African youth will never go hungry. We have slogans mos. When you don’t have a job or food, just shout some slogan like ‘Fight, Produce, Learn’ and you’ll see. I dare you! Just try. It’s working. We’ve been sloganeering on nationalisation for years now and all of a sudden, the elders in our party are also talking about it in the open.The theme of this lecture is apparently, ‘Towards the African Youth Manifesto: Economic Freedom in our Lifetime’ and I’m supposed to talk about that. But let’s not waste each others’ time. We are already old, so these imperialists who have our elders in their pockets will rule for a long time still. So if I talk about, that I’ll just talk kak and you will realise it. All I can say is, the youth must take over. I don’t know why your country and mine are still run by old people who don’t even know Facebook and that thing Twitter.People say I hate white people. It’s a lie, I hate counter- revolutionary old people. Especially those ones who are just useless and deny us jobs and positions. And when they give you a position you must apparently work. Nonsense!In February, I said, ‘We are guilty of thinking.’ The youth are not mamparas. The youth know things. We know who is sleeping withwho in which hotel and bed-and- breakfast and if we think about how we can use this, we are accused of being tjatjarag. Passop! We know things.I also said, ‘The succession battle should be discussed without fear or favour. It should not be a taboo topic.’ Any succession race in any revolutionary organisation must be debated, campaigned for and open to scrutiny. I hope Namibians are better than South Africans with this.As an elder you shouldn’t be irritated and you also shouldn’t irritate the youth. It’s irritating.’The youth has brought excitement into the politics of South Africa.’ It’s true! We are excited and excitable and therefore, make everyone else exciting. Of course, the youth are the leaders of tomorrow and the elders must not be irritated. It’s irritating! We are gatvol!
All counter-revolutionaryemails from wannabe, ill- mannered Johnny-come-lately Pan-Afrikanists can be sent to: rambler@namibian.com.naSee if I care!