Big Brother Africa: Ofunneka loses her ‘virginity’!

TODAY, October 19, is the Feast of Saint Frideswide, a blindingly beautiful abbess.

Fact. Truly! The very attractive daughter of an Anglian prince, Frideswide spurned the amorous advances of a suitor who ended up being struck blind for his troubles.Oh brother! And oh, BBA action, where art thou?!! What’s this got to do with anything, let alone BB?!! Kinda wondering myself …Well, it has been kind of a dry week in the house.Quite frankly I would have rather been hanging with my gal, Paris, in LA this past week, but it wasn’t an option.My column contract doesn’t allow for it.I have to be here to the bitter, B.I.T.T.E.R, end! So I guess I have to make a fist of it.And the Biggie in The Namibian house, THE Editor, has said we need to expand the educational content of our Big Brother columns.Uhmmm …not true.But still.So thank God for ‘The Saint-a-Day Guide’! The truth is, the ‘Big 5’ have provided us with little entertainment over the last couple of days.Uhmm, yes.Almost enough said.A spat here, a spat there.You know, whinestone cowboy stuff.That coupled with Richiana and Codeen honing their skills for a life as kissograms after BBA2.OK.Why St Frides­wide? Three things: Richard+amorous+devoted groupies.Given the religious devotion the dreadlocked one, Richard, seems to evoke among legions of women, who I don’t especially want to know (except for the ever sweet one, Brown Shuga.Love you, gal!), I wonder if the Tanzanian bedswerver wins BBA, if they will be satisfied with even that! The forces are gathering.Today Big Brother, tomorrow the world! But is the world enough?!! There’s no immortality involved.So, yeah, wouldn’t be surprised if the cult of Richard have put aside their Mills and Boon romances for a moment, and are drafting a plea to the powers-that-be at The Vatican.Saint Richard! Nothing less! One Tanzanian newspaper has already hinted at their countryman’s “saintly qualities”.Yep, peeps, because he didn’t do IT with Tatiana when the world was his, so to speak, in the Penthouse! Knock me over with a GAZUUUUUUUNGA! I think I’m having a swami moment here.THEY WHO WALK ON WATER …Which brings me to Ofunneka.Another one of the housemates elevated to near saint status by her groupies.The way some of them carry on I wouldn’t be surprised if they think she’s in line for a virgin birth! Nekka’s played it pretty cool, but suddenly, there’s been a radical transformation, or is it a reverse Damascus road experience? The girl has lost her image ‘virginity’.Cabin fever? Strategy? Or, as Bertha might have us believe, is it just plain old needs, strategic or otherwise? The restrained Nekka has gone.We’re seeing a new Offie.Last week she jumped into bed with Kwaku for an intimate conversation, at his invitation, kissed him as if he was the next best thing to Nigerian sauce when his eviction was announced and shed tears when he left.Offie girl! Wassup? OK, one needs to bond in the house.And I think it was a case of companionship with K.BUT what I don’t get is how she suddenly seems to have thrown Maureen to the wolves! Ofunemama, not nice.And, yeah, I’ve been among those who’ve taken the Mickey out of Maureen, but you’ve got to hand it to the petite Ugandan, she’s given us more blah for the mile than anyone else! Well, perhaps a bit more blah than we need …still, she’s been consistent, hot-water bottle and all.After Kwaku left, Offie said straight out that she suddenly felt scared.That seems to have been the turning point.Offie has hit the revamp ramp, seemingly influenced by catwalker Tatiana.Be afraid, be VERY afraid! Suddenly, Offie’s first friend in the house is no longer good enough, and all but gives her the heebie jeebies.Maureen hasn’t changed at all.It’s you, Offie.Get a grip! And it’s as if open season has been declared on Maureen.Yip, peeps, the sainted ones – Offie and Richiana – have taken to what is tantamount to bullying someone from the heart of their number.It ain’t a pretty sight! With gossip in the house reaching new heights, seems the blessed triumvirate now perceive Maureen as what my former colleague Chrispin Inambao likes to refer to as “a soft target” …Let’s stand up and speak out for Maureen! You go, Mo.You’ve shown you can roll with the punches! And, yeah girl, unleash that cling wrap like Spiderman’s web and tie them up in knots.Look, Maureen has some irritating habits, but she’s more than a pretty face.An airhead she’s not.When BBA1 housemate Gaetano and other guests were in the house this week for discussions on poverty and AIDS, it was Maureen who excelled with her intelligent comments! CLASSIFIEDS Maybe I should have asked F_K_P, or is it F_P_K (you know who you are!) to guest on the column this week …Eish, brother! And thanks, Girl (Un)dercover/ed! Girl power to you!! Burn up the web.And hella JULIE from NAM, you seem to be spending more than Namibia’s entire GDP on sending SMSes to the BBA strip and voting for Richard …Otherwise, peeps, it’s Richard or Code this week! * Catch BBA on DStv Channel 198.Truly! The very attractive daughter of an Anglian prince, Frideswide spurned the amorous advances of a suitor who ended up being struck blind for his troubles.Oh brother! And oh, BBA action, where art thou?!! What’s this got to do with anything, let alone BB?!! Kinda wondering myself …Well, it has been kind of a dry week in the house.Quite frankly I would have rather been hanging with my gal, Paris, in LA this past week, but it wasn’t an option.My column contract doesn’t allow for it.I have to be here to the bitter, B.I.T.T.E.R, end! So I guess I have to make a fist of it.And the Biggie in The Namibian house, THE Editor, has said we need to expand the educational content of our Big Brother columns.Uhmmm …not true.But still.So thank God for ‘The Saint-a-Day Guide’! The truth is, the ‘Big 5’ have provided us with little entertainment over the last couple of days.Uhmm, yes.Almost enough said.A spat here, a spat there.You know, whinestone cowboy stuff.That coupled with Richiana and Codeen honing their skills for a life as kissograms after BBA2.OK.Why St Frides­wide? Three things: Richard+amorous+devoted groupies.Given the religious devotion the dreadlocked one, Richard, seems to evoke among legions of women, who I don’t especially want to know (except for the ever sweet one, Brown Shuga.Love you, gal!), I wonder if the Tanzanian bedswerver wins BBA, if they will be satisfied with even that! The forces are gathering.Today Big Brother, tomorrow the world! But is the world enough?!! There’s no immortality involved.So, yeah, wouldn’t be surprised if the cult of Richard have put aside their Mills and Boon romances for a moment, and are drafting a plea to the powers-that-be at The Vatican.Saint Richard! Nothing less! One Tanzanian newspaper has already hinted at their countryman’s “saintly qualities”.Yep, peeps, because he didn’t do IT with Tatiana when the world was his, so to speak, in the Penthouse! Knock me over with a GAZUUUUUUUNGA! I think I’m having a swami moment here.THEY WHO WALK ON WATER …Which brings me to Ofunneka.Another one of the housemates elevated to near saint status by her groupies.The way some of them carry on I wouldn’t be surprised if they think she’s in line for a virgin birth! Nekka’s played it pretty cool, but suddenly, there’s been a radical transformation, or is it a reverse Damascus road experience? The girl has lost her image ‘virginity’.Cabin fever? Strategy? Or, as Bertha might have us believe, is it just plain old needs, strategic or otherwise? The restrained Nekka has gone.We’re seeing a new Offie.Last week she jumped into bed with Kwaku for an intimate conversation, at his invitation, kissed him as if he was the next best thing to Nigerian sauce when his eviction was announced and shed tears when he left.Offie girl! Wassup? OK, one needs to bond in the house.And I think it was a case of companionship with K.BUT what I don’t get is how she suddenly seems to have thrown Maureen to the wolves! Ofunemama, not nice.And, yeah, I’ve been among those who’ve taken the Mickey out of Maureen, but you’ve got to hand it to the petite Ugandan, she’s given us more blah for the mile than anyone else! Well, perhaps a bit more blah than we need …still, she’s been consistent, hot-water bottle and all.After Kwaku left, Offie said straight out that she suddenly felt scared.That seems to have been the turning point.Offie has hit the revamp ramp, seemingly influenced by catwalker Tatiana.Be afraid, be VERY afraid! Suddenly, Offie’s first friend in the house is no longer good enough, and all but gives her the heebie jeebies.Maureen hasn’t changed at all.It’s you, Offie.Get a grip! And it’s as if open season has been declared on Maureen.Yip, peeps, the sainted ones – Offie and Richiana – have taken to what is tantamount to bullying someone from the heart of their number.It ain’t a pretty sight! With gossip in the house reaching new heights, seems the blessed triumvirate now perceive Maureen as what my former colleague Chrispin Inambao likes to refer to as “a soft target” …Let’s stand up and speak out for Maureen! You go, Mo.You’ve shown you can roll with the punches! And, yeah girl, unleash that cling wrap like Spiderman’s web and tie them up in knots.Look, Maureen has some irritating habits, but she’s more than a pretty face.An airhead she’s not.When BBA1 housemate Gaetano and other guests were in the house this week for discussions on poverty and AIDS, it was Maureen who excelled with her intelligent comments! CLASSIFIEDS Maybe I should have asked F_K_P, or is it F_P_K (you know who you are!) to guest on the column this week …Eish, brother! And thanks, Girl (Un)dercover/ed! Girl power to you!! Burn up the web.And hella JULIE from NAM, you seem to be spending more than Namibia’s entire GDP on sending SMSes to the BBA strip and voting for Richard …Otherwise, peeps, it’s Richard or Code this week! * Catch BBA on DStv Channel 198.