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Big Brother Africa: Hidden Code, Crouching Kwaku

Big Brother Africa: Hidden Code, Crouching Kwaku

KWAKU did something of a Ferdie, Bertha had a Jimmy Carter-Playboy moment, Ofunneka took to hiding condoms, Rich and Tati are now all but joined at the hip, Maureen burst into tears and Code …

well, damn, he was in Code zone, technically (you-know-whaddi-mean). And on Wednesday night, the housemates took truth and dare to new heights, some would say new lows: ever more passionate kissing and some heavy petting.No wonder Bertha’s speaking in tongues! Sjoe.It’s sure been an eight-day week in the Big Brother house.To top it all, the Big’s on a mission.Big time.He’s come up with a twin-pronged strategy: separating the couples by placing them in different teams (this includes no sleeping together!), and sleep deprivation.Biggie’s making them work for precious snooze time: the two teams have to compete at various tasks.The winning team wins sleep hours.Whether it’s four hours or five hours, that’s it.And has it got the house in a tizzy.It’s like Mission Impossible with no soundtrack.The first night Bertha was mumbling and seemed disoriented, Kwaku was on a kind of stream of consciousness expletive roll, and Code appeared to go into a trance.YA KNOW I always get the feeling that Code needs to be herded somewhere, anywhere, ya know, that he needs someone with a sjambok behind him to whip the dawg into shape (especially that hair), and to give him direction.D.I.R.E.C.T.I.O.N.At present, he’s the very essence of a cerebro-atmospheric individual – lest I be accused of offending Malawians, that’s the PC term for airhead! The man seems to fumble through life, inhabiting the outer perimeters of a candyfloss state of mind.On Wednesday night, the man who climbs into Maureen’s bed every night was having one of those interminable discussions with her.Again, he gave her a brush-off.Grief, he’s like a stuck record.This time he tried to justify his touch-feely ways by saying “if I make that discovery (that someone feels for him), it moves me”.Yeah, Code, we know what it moves.Aitsa! Code is all pants and no trousers.I think he needs to make out with Maureen’s hot-water bottle.Richard, by contrast, carries his plans in his pants! I like Richard – in fact, there’s no housemate I dislike, just a few who irritate me – but I’ve lost him in translation somewhere along the way.He’s joined Code and Maureen in doing the interminable, talking-in-circles thing since he’s latched on to the effervescent Tatiana.Even she’s having outbreaks of extreme exasperation at his antics.As hunky as Rich is, he must be tiring to live with.He can be a bit like a demanding child at times.And I’m not sure that that outweighs the assets he reportedly has.I really haven’t seen shower hour yet! Zimbo Bertha’s struggling.I feel for her.It can’t be easy with those crutches.But she seemed to take extra strain during the truth and dare game last Saturday.Her dares included kissing Max and Kwaku.The next morning the cameras caught her praying out loud outside – about the temptations of the flesh, including an off-the-cuff comment to God that “I’m not like those people”.Rather like former US President Jimmy Carter’s famous interview with Playboy magazine when he talked about “sinning in his heart”.Yeah, girl.DISSTURBANCE And all those dissing Meryl’s relationship with Kwaku: it’s not one-sided, not in my view anyway.The K man complained to Biggie in the diary room about having to sleep alone as a result of the new task, is solicitous of Meryl’s wellbeing, defended her against Justice, and was shaking last week as he waited for the announcement of who had been evicted.Not saying it’s a deep thang, but there’s some level at which they understand each other.Very well.Officially, Maureen’s birthday (on Wednesday) was the cause of her tears.Uhmmm ….still thinking about that one.And our girl? Meryl’s like a rebel without pause: she’s having the impact of a tsunami on Africa! Eish!! But it’s a continental divide: those who think she’s the best thing since Tina Turner performed ‘Private Dancer’, or the rant-and-ragers who think she’s too raunchy.And, oh brother, the flotsam and jetsam of sanctimony the tsunami’s dredged up from the deep, dark crevices of ugly are something to behold! I hate to have to return to this point, but the Pharisees from the temple of hypocrisy bring out the Clint Eastwood in me.So, ‘Go ahead, make my day’.Nothing gets me going like the ‘morality’ police on heat.Sure our girl does not hail from the ranks of the vestal virgins, though there are those who regard her as something of a goddess! Sure she’s more extrovert than some, and sure, she has fewer inhibitions than many.But hell, she’s young, single and all of 21, and doubtless enjoying the eternal sunshine of her spotless mind.In an SMS on the BBA message strip, someone said ‘Meryl, u’re not on MTV’.People, she IS the MTV generation, the Channel-O child, someone born in the Tupac me-against-the world age.UNSHACKLED In her youth, a good friend, then studying at one of South Africa’s most prestigious universities, streaked naked through the streets of Stellenbosch one night – wearing only shoes.Today she holds a highly responsible top position! I presume that all the moral mini-mes out there were young and carefree at some point? Maybe not.But you could swear from some reactions that Meryl is singlehandedly going to bootylicious Africa to hell and gone …No small feat for a 21-year-old! It’s like she’s bringing on all of the Sixties revolutions combined, from the rebellious counter-culture of the Swinging Sixties to the upheavals that shook Mao’s Cultural Revolution.Just by the way, the ’60s were a radical period of change in Africa, as countries shook off the shackles of colonialism.But that’s just by the way.So the long and the short of this – actually the long of it: Justice has left the house – is that I’m voting for Meryl to stay in the house! * BBA2 is screened on Channel 37, DStv.* Vote for the housemate you want to see EVICTED by sending an SMS with the words ‘VOTE RICHARD’ or ‘VOTE MAUREEN’ to the number 15626, to evict Maureen or Richard.And on Wednesday night, the housemates took truth and dare to new heights, some would say new lows: ever more passionate kissing and some heavy petting.No wonder Bertha’s speaking in tongues! Sjoe.It’s sure been an eight-day week in the Big Brother house.To top it all, the Big’s on a mission.Big time.He’s come up with a twin-pronged strategy: separating the couples by placing them in different teams (this includes no sleeping together!), and sleep deprivation.Biggie’s making them work for precious snooze time: the two teams have to compete at various tasks.The winning team wins sleep hours.Whether it’s four hours or five hours, that’s it.And has it got the house in a tizzy.It’s like Mission Impossible with no soundtrack.The first night Bertha was mumbling and seemed disoriented, Kwaku was on a kind of stream of consciousness expletive roll, and Code appeared to go into a trance.YA KNOW I always get the feeling that Code needs to be herded somewhere, anywhere, ya know, that he needs someone with a sjambok behind him to whip the dawg into shape (especially that hair), and to give him direction.D.I.R.E.C.T.I.O.N.At present, he’s the very essence of a cerebro-atmospheric individual – lest I be accused of offending Malawians, that’s the PC term for airhead! The man seems to fumble through life, inhabiting the outer perimeters of a candyfloss state of mind.On Wednesday night, the man who climbs into Maureen’s bed every night was having one of those interminable discussions with her.Again, he gave her a brush-off.Grief, he’s like a stuck record.This time he tried to justify his touch-feely ways by saying “if I make that discovery (that someone feels for him), it moves me”.Yeah, Code, we know what it moves.Aitsa! Code is all pants and no trousers.I think he needs to make out with Maureen’s hot-water bottle.Richard, by contrast, carries his plans in his pants! I like Richard – in fact, there’s no housemate I dislike, just a few who irritate me – but I’ve lost him in translation somewhere along the way.He’s joined Code and Maureen in doing the interminable, talking-in-circles thing since he’s latched on to the effervescent Tatiana.Even she’s having outbreaks of extreme exasperation at his antics.As hunky as Rich is, he must be tiring to live with.He can be a bit like a demanding child at times.And I’m not sure that that outweighs the assets he reportedly has.I really haven’t seen shower hour yet! Zimbo Bertha’s struggling.I feel for her.It can’t be easy with those crutches.But she seemed to take extra strain during the truth and dare game last Saturday.Her dares included kissing Max and Kwaku.The next morning the cameras caught her praying out loud outside – about the temptations of the flesh, including an off-the-cuff comment to God that “I’m not like those people”.Rather like former US President Jimmy Carter’s famous interview with Playboy magazine when he talked about “sinning in his heart”.Yeah, girl.DISSTURBANCE And all those dissing Meryl’s relationship with Kwaku: it’s not one-sided, not in my view anyway.The K man complained to Biggie in the diary room about having to sleep alone as a result of the new task, is solicitous of Meryl’s wellbeing, defended her against Justice, and was shaking last week as he waited for the announcement of who had been evicted.Not saying it’s a deep thang, but there’s some level at which they understand each other.Very well.Officially, Maureen’s birthday (on Wednesday) was the cause of her tears.Uhmmm ….still thinking about that one.And our girl? Meryl’s like a rebel without pause: she’s having the impact of a tsunami on Africa! Eish!! But it’s a continental divide: those who think she’s the best thing since Tina Turner performed ‘Private Dancer’, or the rant-and-ragers who think she’s too raunchy.And, oh brother, the flotsam and jetsam of sanctimony the tsunami’s dredged up from the deep, dark crevices of ugly are something to behold! I hate to have to return to this point, but the Pharisees from the temple of hypocrisy bring out the Clint Eastwood in me.So, ‘Go ahead, make my day’.Nothing gets me going like the ‘morality’ police on heat.Sure our girl does not hail from the ranks of the vestal virgins, though there are those who regard her as something of a goddess! Sure she’s more extrovert than some, and sure, she has fewer inhibitions than many.But hell, she’s young, single and all of 21, and doubtless enjoying the eternal sunshine of her spotless mind.In an SMS on the BBA message strip, someone said ‘Meryl, u’re not on MTV’.People, she IS the MTV generation, the Channel-O child, someone born in the Tupac me-against-the world age.UNSHACKLED In her youth, a good friend, then studying at one of South Africa’s most prestigious universities, streaked naked through the streets of Stellenbosch one night – wearing only shoes.Today she holds a highly responsible top position! I presume that all the moral mini-mes out there were young and carefree at some point? Maybe not.But you could swear from some reactions that Meryl is singlehandedly going to bootylicious Africa to hell and gone …No small feat for a 21-year-old! It’s like she’s bringing on all of the Sixties revolutions combined, from the rebellious counter-culture of the Swinging Sixties to the upheavals that shook Mao’s Cultural Revolution.Just by the way, the ’60s were a radical period of change in Africa, as countries shook off the shackles of colonialism.But that’s just by the way.So the long and the short of this – actually the long of it: Justice has left the house – is that I’m voting for Meryl to stay in the house! * BBA2 is screened on Channel 37, DStv.* Vote for the housemate you want to see EVICTED by sending an SMS with the words ‘VOTE RICHARD’ or ‘VOTE MAUREEN’ to the number 15626, to evict Maureen or Richard.

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