Big Brother Africa 4: The McMoongos are from Kazakhsexistan!

EEEEUW, it was a wild, wet and … uhmmmm … touchy, feely weekend!
And hey, I’m not talking about the Western Province-Griquas mud bath at the rugby ground otherwise known as Newlands.

Nor the extra-torrestrial moments at Anfield, where the fabulous Fernando netted a hat-trick for Liverpool. Yeah, you guessed it – as though you wouldn’t: what else but the goings-on in the Big Brother house. Quinn and Jen got feely but not touchy, Liz and Phil got touchy but not feely and Malawi’s Mzamo seemed to fall under the smell … oops, I mean spell … of the great unwashed one, aka, ‘I am a god among men’ Hannington, aka Smellington.Paloma gave Jeremy a massage, Geraldine and Leonel practised talking underneath a hammock in the garden, Yacob explored his inner Mussolini, and incoming HoH Elizabeth cozied up with outgoing HoH Kevin.OK, OK. I just know that some of you stopped dead in your tracks at seeing Paloma and massage in the same sentence. It’s NOT what you think.Paloma’s not trying to break up Jeremy and Emma. She just massaged Kenya dude’s feet for him. No more, no less. Jeremy’s entourage of muscles remains intact, as do Jemma – Jeremy and Emma. Jemma are still doing their sweet, Mills and Boons romance thing, and have even kissed … aaaaaaaaaw. Didn’t see it myself, but I have no reason to doubt my sources at interceptor centres across the region.The biggest threat to Jemma seems to be those who want to call them Jeremma! Ouch. No, people. No, naaaah, nyet, nee! Jeremma sounds like a rogue invader virus from Jupiter!OK, back to the touchy feely. Rene shared that she’d had her breasts reduced, Kaone did the NGO thing – you know, trying to balance the personal and the community, while Itai’s doing spy extreme. The Zimbabwean is a real alliance ho. He’s been insinuating himself into each and every alliance, and working on creating the impression that he’s totally committed to whichever group he’s with at any given time.Crafty! Of course, at the end of the day, only one person can win. But it remains to be seen whether Itai’s game plan’s going to work or will backfire. BORAT’S SECRET LOVE CHILDRENAnd I’ve got, I’ve finally got it.Erastus and Edward, aka the tarty McMoongos, are the secret love twins of Borat! It adds up doesn’t it? Eish, where else can the ‘twin powers’ come from but the inglorious nation of Kazakhsexistan. Who else could they be but the fruit of Borat’s banana-sling, G-string.Just think that Borat quip: ‘Look, there is woman in car. Can we follow her, get her and maybe have sexy time with her.’The twins to the T! Had to laugh at Liz. Housemates were talking shower time – and that’s all you’re going to get this year peeps, shower talk – and who does it with their clothes on or off, etc. Who’d seen who in the shower, wadda, wadda, wadda.Seems Liz caught a glimpse of one of the twins … the guys waited with bated breath, Erastus, or was it Edward – whatever, whoever – started beaming, only for Liz, without blinking, to say dryly ‘I was not overwhelmed.’Never seen dimples, twin or not, make such a quick getaway!Then, one of the E-twins was on the receiving end after trying to kiss Jen, uninvited. She was having none of it, and boy did she let him know. He tried to worm out of it saying it was a mistake and begged her to ‘leave it there’.Yes, yes, Erastus, or was it Eddie. Some mistake. What were you trying to do? Kill a bug on her lips?!!Some good news for the McMoongos is that more than a few viewers seem to be warming to them. Even Yacob commented yesterday that he now feels anyone coming up against the twin tag team is going to be at risk. PUBLIC FACES, PRIVATE LIVESThe biggest bombshell of the season may yet revolve around Mozambique’s Jennifer Mussanhane.Jen will have left by today and, to all intents and purposes, she’s taking the ‘voluntary eviction’ route.The reason cited has been that she’s received bad news from home, which has led to all manner of speculation.However, the popular consensus is that it’s to do to with her father, who’s reportedly a wellknown figure in Mozambique and South Africa, if not internationally. BBA fans in the blogosphere have done some serious investigating and have even come up with links to the man they believe is her Dad – photos and article links included.If they have it right, he’s been lauded as far afield as the US for some of the work he’s done in a particular humanitarian field.According to Jen though, it’s a different story on the domestic front. When she spilled her guts to housemates last week, the picture she painted of her father was far from flattering.It was a tale of him allegedly neglecting his family and alleged abuse.Jen talked about times when they lived on the edge,while her father was off ‘saving other people’, or allegedly pursuing his latest girlfriend.Intense stuff.The speculation is that either her father or the Mozambique government, or both, have applied pressure on her to leave the house.On Saturday, Biggie headmistress asked Jen whether she was sure she wanted to leave. She replied yes. In the next breath Jen asked Big-H if she’d managed to contact her father again. Tough times. Hope things work out well for her. She’s a feisty young woman. SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMYAs Oprah would say, ‘one thing I know for sure’ and that is that Uganda’s Phil is not a gentleman.Man, oh man, oh man. Phil is one of those can’t keep it in my pants, ‘kiss and tell’ guys. Initially he told his mentor, Yacob, that, like wow, there’s something about South Africa’s Gucci-licious Liz that he just can’t ignore – ‘there’s something different about her’ – and launched a hot pursuit operation to try and ‘charm’ her.They got closer and for the last two nights he and Liz have slept next to each other, and have done some canoodling.But seems Phili-bluster feels he has to ‘justify his love’ to Yacob and the smokers’ cartel. He jumps out of bed every five minutes to rush off and give them updates, then rushes back to bed, then back to the boys.Go figure!Not only that, he spins the guys wildly exaggerated stories about what he and Liz have supposedly been up to. As if that’s not enough, he then has the cheek to call Liz ‘clingy’ – when he’s the one running after her as though he’s the star of ‘Free Willy’!!Stay tuned.* Tune in to DStv Channel 198 or 199 to catch the action live 24/7, or watch the daily highlights show on M-Net (DStv Channel 101/102) and AfricaMagic (DStv Channel 114) every day at 18h30. Weekly highlights on NBC, every Saturday from 21h15 – 22h15.