11 Things that prove we are apparently free and independent

THIS week we again dusted off our finest in Swapo couture and our brightest of ass kiss smiles to show the powers that we too should be considered when that next big job or contract comes around.

It was Independence and some of us are only recovering from that massive babelaas today. Just in time for the weekend. If you’ve been captured or were under the spell of those daemons at Augustinium for the last 22 years and only awoke today here’s how you can tell that we are apparently free and independent.Paulus, Moses and Lukas can now walk around freely in Academia, even at 03h00. The dogs still only bark at them. It used to be Swapol brutelising them on their way back from their inslaap bediende girlfriend. Now Paulus, Moses and Lukas can easily say that they were visiting family, the neighbours or just went for a late night walk in their neighbourhood if those City Police chaps stop to shoot and ask.The caddy is now the golfer.Guys who used to steal things from cars at the Strand Hotel are now business moguls who even go on overseas trips with politicians and are paraded as political office bearers. The Namibian dream lives on.You can make the smooth transition from village boy to CEO of a major company or secretary general of a big trade union overnight without anyone thinking it’s funny.The boy from the dusty streets of Katutura or Orwetoweni can become an investment manager and be trusted with millions of the nation’s funds despite the evidence of him having a suitable qualification or experience existing only on paper.Gomchas can become special advisors to ministers. Ministers are relegated to opening night clubs.We used to lend and borrow sugar over the wire fence in Wanaheda but as soon as someone makes money he leaves the kassie for the high security walls and electric fences in Hochlandpark and all of a sudden becomes acutely aware of the tribal differences between him and his erstwhile neighbour. We now exchange tribalistic and party political rhetoric in letters to editors and SMSes in newspapers. We will soon need Untag to keep thepeace between tribally segregated lokasies. One of the few good things that still exist from the good old days.Before Independence those who became teachers, either for the love of the profession or because their second tier government could only provide bursaries for teaching and nursing diplomas, could insult you so badly you’ll smile for the rest of your life just thinking about it. If all else fails they can bliksem you with a stick. Now kids insult teachers and if they get bliksemed their parents sue the school.Anyone can start a church, anywhere, even at schools.The guys who used to have a monopoly in the construction sub- contracting sphere used to be called Gert, Jan or Piet. They used to get the jobs from die lanie who was called Pieter, Kobus or Wolfgang. The subcontractor had a team of guys with a serious drinking habit who were also called Gert, Jan or Piet. Now Saltiel, Gerson and Hafeni are making serious inroads into construction. They bum their jobs off Hu, Lee and Chang who are today’s lanies.Stupid hungry journalists like Tileni Mongudhi can write seriously unfunny shit about ministers. Before 1990 if anyone was stupid enough to write anything unflattering or question the powers they got bliksemed, bombed or just simply disappeared. How these ministers long for the good old days.Send me an SMS to tell me how great your Independence celebrations were. Foward ever! Backward never!