Big Brother Africa: The Da Vinci(ble) Code!

By: JEAN SUTHERLAND

YACOB has fled the coop, daCode’s chickens have come to roost and the ‘hens’ in The Barn are free-ranging like nobody’s business.

Eeeeeeeeuw, talk about fowl play or fowls at play. Don’t know if it’s the Farmville setting, but there’s a whole lot more than eggs hatching in The Barn.

First things first, though. Hmmmmmm …. the chicken or the egg … eish, I’m getting corny here. Cluck, cluck … ermmmmmm, I mean tut-tut!!

OK, viewers decided that daCode, who was up for eviction with Uti and Munya, was not invincible. So, just like ‘The Da Vinci Code’, the Malawian was decoded ... and evicted to The Barn.

While you sometimes had to resort to Google to find no-drama, all-karma Code, he more than deserves some on-air time. Yes, yes, I know, the guitar-strumming radio DJ might not exactly swing from the chandeliers of life, but he’s the shizniz!

Can’t help feeling that if he’d lived in the US he’d be a cool surfer dude on the West Coast; or if he was a movie, he’d be ‘Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind’. 

OK, daCode’s mind wasn’t always spotless, but he was eternal sunshine. 

Yo! DaCode was all but spaced out on positivity. Heck, he was even ready to lead a peacekeeping mission at the drop of a guitar when there were cross-border flare-ups between cross housemates. He just didn’t like getting caught in the crossfire.

And who else could come up with classic Codisms but daCode: “I was once a bachelor”, or “I don’t like to do temptation, I’m easily temptated”, to mention a couple.

 

CHICKEN OR BEEF?

 

When it comes to Yakka Yakka, aka Yacob, it’s a whole other story. If Code mainlines on positivity, the Yak was permanently hooked up to a negativity drip. And boy, could he be a drip. Sjoe!

And it only got worse in The Barn. Yakka Yakka seemed to go through the equivalent of a double-dip depression.

Having deluded himself into thinking he was master of the BBA universe, the architect of conspiracy (yes, he really thought he invented conspiracy!) and the cock of the roost, the acorn of paranoia fell on his Chicken Licken head when he was plucked from the house.

Yakka Yakka couldn’t work it out. 

He thought he’d played the perfect game, couldn’t understand why he’d been nominated (“everyone loved me”) even though he asked to be put up for eviction, and fretted endlessly: where was Sammi, was he in a third house?; were the most popular housemates in The Barn, if not what was the next move; why should he have to do chores; why should he entertain the masses without being paid for it? Etc. 

Yakka Yakka’s mind knew no boundaries when it came to delusions. 

When Barnmates interrupted one of his whinge binges to ask why he’d returned for another season of BBA, he claimed he thought he’d been chosen for an international version of Big Brother. I mean. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Yak, yak, yak. 

And before you could say stimulus package, the douple-dip depression morphed into a triple-drip recession.

And that was another issue, his … uhmmmm … own ‘stimulus package’. While Yakka Yakka is in a class of his own when it comes to perve swerve, the Ethiopian couldn’t get any bed swerve on (not that I’m advocating after-dark activities, just commenting!).

So it was all beef and no chick(en)s for Yakka in The Barn. 

As a result, he resorted to going off at half-cock and slagging people verbally. 

Eeeeeuw … doing nyasty seems to be Yakka Yakka’s calling card – whether it’s his penchant for porn, or trying to draw strength by exploiting other people’s weak points. 

And now he’s gone, white shoes, bantam balls, angst and all … Yip, he’s chickened out, fled the coop and taken his cock-and-bull stories with him. 

Still, wish him only well!

 

SEXCAPADES

 

Didn’t see it myself, but word in the blogosphere is that there were “happenings” in an alcohol-fuelled, free-ranging Barn on Monday night. 

Word has it that Sheila and action armpits, aka Hannington, kissed, talked, broke up, made up, jumped beds and blew hot and cold.

Inbetween, Sheila and Tatiana allegedly fooled around. Just how much is in dispute, if not disrepute; there are claims that they cuddled, more than cuddled, that blankets moved, that chocolate and Hanni threaded some of the interaction. 

Still, there’s no one clear version of events, or alleged events. 

What can I say? Smear campaigns are as rife in Big Brother world as they are in politics. There again … 

What I can say, though, is that where there’s bedlam, there’s Sheila!

Stay tuned …

 

– Watch all the drama, as it goes down live, 24/7 on DStv Channel 198. Also catch the daily highlights shows on M-Net Africa, Channel 102 daily at 18h30.

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