Rambler: African solutions for the world’s problems
Thabo Mbeki used to preach about “african solutions for african problems” but I believe, as the world’s only real civilisation, africa must start to take its place as the solver of the problems of the world. Irrevocable evidence exists that most of the nations of the world have lost their minds. Severe economic challenges and joblessness are plaguing africa’s former colonisers and superpowers.
Their leaders were spending money they didn’t have for decades on wars, and their people are now protesting in the streets as they continue to want to have their cake and their cappuccino and their pensions, and eat it too.
There are always clashes on the street with police when the chickens come home to roost... It’s an ugly thing.
but the developed world isn’t just at war with its political class, it’s also in an epic conflict with itself. Evolving perceptions on gay marriage, drug use, immigration and the so-called free- market system have brutally shaken western beliefs and values.
Things, they are a-changing.
and what better time for us africans to step up and offer the world an alternative to the Thatcheritis/ Reaganocomics and all their incarnations and consequences?
I mean, we are the continent that still taps into the underutilised and misunderstood science of asking our dead ancestors for a dice, a marble and some bones for solutions.
So, we’ll do what everyone else was supposed to do the instance Luis Suarez and Mario balotelli appeared on the world stage; wash their arses. These two chaps clearly have issues that can only be solved in Katima or Gobabis.
how do you explain a grown-ass man biting another on a soccer pitch?
and where do you even start with balotelli?
being Mario balotelli is enough to earn you a session with a wrinkly old San man in a hut applying a mixture of cow fat, elephant dung and black & White tobacco to your entire body while you squat naked as you clutch the bark of a rare tree between your bum cheeks. Suarez and balotelli need cleansing and Jesus, but more importantly, cleansing.
Mention kleptocracy and banana republic and a number of african countries come to mind; Gambia,
Central african Republic, South africa, the list is endless. So when the government of Cyprus took 10% of every person’s money in the bank many of my colleagues started to check where on the african continent Cyprus is.
To make them look even more like an african country, they did it over a long weekend and kept the banks closed for the rest of the week to complete their looting.
What would the african solution be, I hear you ask?
Nothing as drastic as that crap. african banks have perfected the art of robbing its clients for years. Non- compliance with, the attempt to, or ever so slight regulation are common here.
african banks already charge people for entrusting their money with them. better still, they get their pound of flesh through a myriad of intricate fees and penalties. See, good clean fun and no one gets hurt. So, if african countries want money, they just print that shit or Zimbabweanise, I mean nationalise the bank. Easy!
Several of the great countries of the world are paralysed by political impasses, lopsided coalitions and elections which are way too close. This can never happen in a proper african republic.
Imagine the great kings of african politics being insulted like barack obama by a bunch of old white men. Never!
We would rather chase those buggers into the bush and call them rebels.
In africa, the big man makes the decisions. Remember, we come from a culture where the men eat first and everyone else is but a minion of the man of the house.
one party states and lifelong presidents have been the bane of african politics for decades. These okes could learn a thing or two from us. They even lose the elections they organise themselves. I still can’t understand how you, as a herder, allow your voting cattle not to vote for you or your candidate.
Westerners are just strange. It’s time they learn from africa.
If we can achieve all that, I will be a proud african.
Connect with The Rambler on Facebook or email him at rambler@
namibian.com.na
Prepaid Electricity now available from FNB ATMs. This service is available to City of Windhoek, CenoRED and Erongo RED. Also available on Online and Cellphone Banking.
www.fnbnamibia.com.na Terms and conditions apply.