Pulling a Woody on Kandeshi
So much has happened in Namibia since I've last talked about how unique our Namlish is and how rich it already is. Well, actually I'm lying. Nothing ever happens in Namibia but we create entertainment for ourselves. You know how we like things. We even call barmen mixologists.
Do you know what a Ndeitunga is? If you don't, you must have been in Keetmanshoop or Khorixas where even less happens than in the rest of Namibia. After Inspector General of the Namibian Police Sebastian Ndeitunga's epic failure of judgement in calling for women wearing short skirts to be arrested all hell broke loose. So, a Ndeitunga in Namibia has become a mini as in: Are you seriously going out in that Ndeitunga? Aren't you afraid Sebastian's boys would arrest you?
I'm sure we've all pulled an Ilukena. Ja, I'm referring to Ministry of Education's Permanent Secretary Alfred Ilukena who decided to disown teachers and shift responsibility when he said last year that his ministry cannot increase the salaries of teachers because it is something that falls under the Public Service Commission. “there is nothing we as a ministry can do,” said Ilukena hopelessly. I've seen Richard Kamwi throw a few Ilukenas (pass the buck) this past week. but we'll not kick a man when he is down.
Have you heard what Andries did? Etse, he mos kamma turned the whole tipeeg into a family affair. It was reported in various media that PS of the National Planning Commission, one Andries Leevi Hungamo, lavished contracts on his relatives and acquaintances. If it's true then to do an Andries is to make sure your relatives benefit from your position.
If you are an average Namibian bloke like me then I'm sure you've pulled a Woody on a kamboroto. You've heard Woody Jacobs quit his coaching job at Ramblers via SMS. Ramkat!
Maybe you've pulled a Woody after your cherry went on an epic Maggy on your expense. Ja, a Maggy is the mother of all shopping sprees. Part time National Council MP and full- time serial traveller Margaret Mensah Williams was again reported to have gone on an epic jaunt in New York complete with entourage. Etse, one day when I'm all grown up I want to be an MP.
Perhaps your girlfriend is nothing more than a Kandeshi. Hope she's not a dirty Kandeshi. When kwaito group PDK produced the song 'Dirty Kandeshi' they would never have thought that it would become such an iconic song, about girls just chopping guys' money, and that the poor girl who plays Kandeshi in the music video will forever have to live with that name.
No one has, in the history of funerals and wakes, been thrown out of a wake unless your name is tileni Mongudhi. So, if ever you are ejected from a wake or funeral, which is by invite only, you can update your Facebook status, “I've just been tileni'ed”. Journalists should be insured against the psychological scars their jobs leave. Especially if you are the journalist formerly
known as John Cobra.
Have you had a big nasty bloke and his bEE buddies bliksem the shit out of you and had a laugh at you in court after the state “lost the case”? If the answer
is yes, I'm afraid you've just been Cobra'ed.
Remember the flat tyre on Jerry Ekandjo's car that had Job Amupanda and his comrades aflutter? It turned out to be a storm in a tea cup or, if you want, a flat tyre. but our Job decided that there was an assassination plot and that someone wanted to get rid of the candidate that the SPYL nominated. And regardless of the amount of ridicule he suffered he stayed on message. He was the boy who screamed assassination attempt once and it was once too much. He pulled a Job and he pulled his candidate into the doldrums, right into the youth ministry.
Have you done a Pohamba? Yes, I mean manage by autopilot.
What's the uniquely Namibian phrase that makes you chuckle, scream or kots?
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