Only in Namibia
Namibia, the country nestled between two deserts, where only a handful of people speak a bag full of languages, even one close to English, where we drink more than the british and irish combined and do not frown on our fellow countrymen when they eat donkey, frog or dog.
You know you are in Namibia when one of the foremost thinkers in the land utters these few words: “We will avoid a full-blown recession, even though we are in a recession.” No, Tjekero Tweya didn’t say this on a drunken Saturday night on his illegally fenced-off farm, as he held court at the fire while the workers drank in his every word. The then deputy minister of finance uttered this total pot of dung in that bastion of imprudence – the Parliament of the Republic of Namibia.
in the Land of the brave, property prices have reached such disturbing levels you would need an outhouse full of Hendrikies and Sams to afford an afdak with a walless toilet at the arse end of Oshitenda.
Yes, the game is rigged in favour of the salaried fat cats at municipalities, their property developer friends, lawyers and banks. Seven hundred good ones, the price of a two-bedroom house in Goreangab, will buy you only a pit latrine in Omusati. How messed up is that?
That’s the reason you find 30-year- old jitas driving around in Golf GTis and bmWs but still sleeping on the same bed his mother bought him when he was 12. Yes, he is still living with his mother in her two-bedroom NHE house with his seven siblings. Even midlevel professionals cannot afford a flat in Dolam.
Where in the world would you be allowed to withdraw N$200 000 in cash and vanish on the day you are receiving a 20 year sentence for killing your wife? i always thought a withdrawal of N$40 000 would raise red flags for those guys at the financial uninteligence centre.
but common sense is just one of those very uncommon things here. How do you explain not being able to make music and still be nominated for an array of music awards?
if you thought our singers couldn’t sing wait until you hear our radio presenters. Only in Namibia would you be unable to talk or have a conversation but still be a well known radio personality.
‘impossible is nothing’ for adidas fans but inability is no disability for Namibians. Not being able to drive and transport people as a profession? How do you score a taxi driver job in Windhoek? You have to have failed Grade 10 so badly not even Namcol would be able to take you; you are in possession of a drivers license either forged or bought; you are incapable of driving a car and you shouldn’t be able to know the difference between Rank 27 and
malaka draai. So, you get this now?
No, i don’t think you do. How do you explain police officers not being able to read and write but still having, as part of their duties, written sworn statements at a charge office?
it must be the only country in the world where unionists side with employers.
Where will you find a stadium filled to the brim (at N$50 a ticket) to see a prophet fake her death and resurrection and none of the revellers asks why they would have to pay money, for the privilege of seeing the end of the world. Why is it that none of the church elders wavered in their beliefs this time around? Or was the lure of profit too huge?
So, those dumb assess making such a big effort of going onto Facebook to tell the world how bad we are, you have nothing on us. We know it all. after all, we live here. Whatever your agenda is, i suggest you write it on a broken bottle and slip it up your anus.
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rambler@namibian.com.na