Jobs for All
By: Boni RoelfTHE Finance Minister’s admittance that TIPEEG was never meant to create jobs is fresh but not untrue.
Not even the claim that it was just an excuse to give more money to the businesses and the rich classes, can induce that element of surprise. Not even the matter-of-fact style in which the news was broken at the SPYL-congress could make me care. There is nothing they are incapable of, this privileged band of criminals.
The minister did not even have to go through the five stages of grief over the demise of the unemployment ideal in Tipeeg. Unless you count the original PR-campaign as ‘denial’
and the SPYL-speech as a ‘anger-bargaining, depression and acceptance’, combo. And yet, it seems at once so easy to create jobs in Namibia. Here, even I made what I personally believe is a most achieved list, in keeping with our national ideals of innovative thinking.
Prophet: We will not have duds like Tipeeg. The prophet, with at least 10 years experience and a degree in public administration, should look to all corners of the country and find among us, ‘those who seeketh the Namibian dollar and the good life, and fill thine hands with employment or a cash benefit.’
Jester: To make fun of all opposition and all logical points of view that seem like fabricated lies told by our enemies. The jester should be available for TV-appearances and for interviews.
Exiled leader: Yes, there is Mishake Muyonga and several, less notable personages. But so many countries have more than us. Syria is having a bumper season with high ranking official after high ranking official jumping ship. By comparison, leaving the ruling party to join a smaller party seems exclusive enough, but it makes for a rather localised exile. You never really go anywhere.
Double Agent: Like Mata Hari, only less dead then she is. Like spying for the various factions in your neighbourhood, or party, or country or internationally. Like spying on the Geingob faction for starters, going on to the Ngurare faction for lunch and joining the workers for a spirited last stand before dinner. The sun is setting fast on workers rights these days.
Sect leader: Not just the religious sect but any other kind of sect. It’s easier to do this than to pronounce it. You basically just find a crackpot philosophy or belief, find a equally crappy reason to practice it without eye shot and then find an improbable solution to the problem you yourself created. Like mass suicide, an exodus or a riot.
Information minister: Must be good at repeating things, cannot have an opinion or mind of his or her own, must like to drive to the NBC. Does not have to be able to run a broadcaster or a ministry but will be its appointing authority. Must prefer Benzs over Volvos..
And this from me, an ordinary citizen. Imagine what I would have been able to do if I was a lay minister or lay litigant. Everybody would have two jobs, three pay-checks and at least five ministers per capita.