The ‘Joys’ of Winter
By: Severius MajiedtTHE wonder of winter cold was the inspiration for many artistic works in the past, like songs and poems.
The essence of these works was always about the warmth that the cold brings, in the form of love. I can confirm that love can warm much better than any heater in the world.
My current home city, Bloemfontein is one of the coldest places in South Africa. We are situated 150 kilometres away from the snowy holiday destination of the Lesotho mountains. In winter, the minimum temperatures go below zero degrees Celsius. To keep you warm, your body sometimes takes over to warm itself and opens the sluice to your bladder automatically to release warm body fluids that do not only bring short-term relief but also lifelong embarrassment.
Many a time children were taken out of bed to ‘sleep’ with mommy and daddy on the wet part as a disguise for mommy or daddy’s mishap, only to be pampered the next day by declarations that it is OK to wet the bed because of the cold.
Maybe these mishaps can explain the familiar smells of winter on some colleagues at the office.
My first winter in Bloemfontein was difficult because I was without my heater – my wife. That was one of the most difficult times in my life. A continental pillow had to replace her but could never do the job. The pillow starts the night in your arms but ends up between your legs the next morning. How that happens, I can’t explain. This winter my wife will see me through. The nice thing with a bed partner is that in winter you can have a big misunderstanding, with the silent treatment and the works, you can even sleep back-to-back with a big space between you. But come morning you wake up in each other’s arms looking for body heat. The night time thumb suckers end up with the thumb in the wrong mouth, but winter is the best marriage councillor, with always cuddling results.
Winter is also the best cure for cracked heels. You know women like to wear open heel shoes like sandals during the hot months to let their feet breathe. Married men know the results of their wives breathed feet. Those sexy feet that you fell in love with are turned into weapons of mass destruction during summer. Now imagine those scalpel feet in bed with you. You cannot put satin sheets on your bed because it will be cut into pieces by mommy dearest. Hubby’s legs always look like he was in a fight with a cat because of the scars on his legs. Come winter time she has to wear socks to warm her feet and sometimes she rubs Vaseline on them to keep them warm throughout the night. Now, that is the kind of breathing that the feet need to disarm them.
Winter also brings you very close to your inner child. Flues are common with winter and wet snotty noses are all over the place. Your voice and speech change because of a blocked nose and you struggle to breathe through your nose. Mouth breathing is the only option, which leads to cracked and dry lips. Your head has a thumping pain and it feels as if your face will fall off.
During winter you do not have to feel guilty about being booked off from work because you are really sick. Men specifically struggle to handle the flu. They yearn for their mothers to come and hold their hands and sit next to their bed and feed them because they can see the stairs to heaven and the strong light in the distance. It is only a mother’s touch that can save them. Yes, winter can change big men into mommy’s little boys.
Enjoy the winter.