You know the type that come unannounced, complete with some hangers on in tow, who feel affronted if they are not offered the main bedroom. The ones who stay so long, you have to pay them to end the visit. Og! Why are we always hanging out with the broke and undesirables?
But we shouldn’t be nasty with our poorer rural cousin. This guy has more troubles than a school secretary under investigation by the Anti-Corruption Commission (ACC). Perhaps even more troubles than a Rally for Democracy and Progress (RDP) shop-owner in northern Namibia.
Some of his wives have left his harem in droves, alleging ill treatment, others are just gatvol.
The country’s economy is so deep in the toilet, not even generous old Jacob Zuma wants to dip his hand in and help them out, regardless of the instant availability of that shower on his head.
The King, and all his men, have been begging for N$2,4 billion from their cousins in South Africa for a while now, without much success.
His government is completely platsak and can’t even afford a 4,5 per cent salary increase for teachers and resorted to calling them ‘delinquents’ and ‘criminals’ when they took to the streets to protest.
Campaigners have demanded reform in the mountain kingdom where opposition parties are banned.
If that isn’t enough, critics of his highness have not stopped enquiring about a luxury jet recently delivered. The king’s PR machine came up with this gem of an excuse; the N$390million DC-9 twin engine plane was a gift by a mystery donor. Brilliant! The aircraft is for the use of the king and his 13 wives, or those who remain with him. I bet he isn’t worried about the mini mutiny in his harem as all the maidens in the land are required to drop their t-shirts and dance for his excellency once a year. From the line-up, he can choose himself a new wife. Every year! So, please Lukas don’t offer him a Namibian wife. We are able
to mistreat ours well enough. Thank you very much! The stinking rich British educated monarch, who spends his time hopping from one luxurious palace to the next, has been criticised by various campaigners for his lavish lifestyle as his subjects survive on less than US$1 a day.
Yet, he is one of the few men in African politics who can compete with our own Utoni on the girth stakes.
Mswati III (born Makhosetive Dlamini) in 2001 attempted to curb AIDS by invoking an ancient chastity rite, the umchwasho, that banned women under the age of 18 from sex.
Aah, the old African solution. When all else fails, blame the maidens. I wonder how that is going for the king. The country has still one of the highest HIV-AIDS rates in the world. When one of his wives claimed her husband had held her as a prisoner for more than a year after she was allegedly caught in bed, in August 2010, with his close friend and cabinet minister, who was sacked over the scandal – I couldn’t help but think that this playing friendly is a regional past time. I mean, who bangs the king’s wife?
Another elderly southern African leader’s much younger wife apparently had a thing with a former central bank governor. South Africa’s president had a child with his friend, Irvin Khoza’s daughter. These guys are hardcore. I’d rather not say what Windhoek’s rumour mill says about one of our own. It’s congress year and I don’t want my membership card to disappear. There are t-shirts and catering tenders to be dished out. I digress.
King Mswati is rated by ‘Forbes’ magazine as the world’s 15th richest monarch with a personal fortune of US$100m. Many of his 1,2 million subjects live in poverty.
So, the question is – will he come with the begging bowl aboard his multi-million dollar jet? More importantly, will we indulge him?
At the time of writing this, it wasn’t clear yet but I’m sure we will find an old story of perhaps, three rifles that the king’s father gave Swapo to start the liberation struggle with. Well, we might even say the old man once sent three bags of maize meal to Kwansa Sul.
Ja, ja, ja, so I’m being disrespectful. Sue me!