Understanding sexual abuse of the youth: possible preventive measures
By: Gudrun KoberRole of general societal attitudes, beliefs, practices: Not only potential victims, but also potential perpetrators, should be informed about what constitutes sexual abuse and about the consequences for the victim of abuse.
This means among other things clearing confusion about what is
acceptable and unacceptable behaviour of adults and adolescents in
relation to children and naming sexually abusive acts as such.
In turn this requires stronger awareness of those attitudes,
beliefs, cultural practices and ways of speaking that implicitly or
explicitly serve to condone sexual harassment and abuse.
To give a concrete example, harassment of girls by boys or men
is often regarded as boys being "playful" or as simply being part
of the "nature" of men.
Instead, harassment should be clearly named and dealt with as
such.
A study done by the Human Sciences Research Council, South
Africa and reported on by Brookes and Higson-Smith (2004) found
that many learners and educators in the schools surveyed, were
confused about whether certain kinds of sexual abuse really
constituted a violation of females.
Some learners and educators felt that it is an inevitable part
of male-female relationships if a boy gets his friends to rape his
girlfriend because he suspects her of being unfaithful.
The question may be asked how gender violence in schools is
related to the sexual abuse of children by adults.
The abuse of children by adults must be seen in the broader
context of gender relations.
As Dawes, Richter and Higson-Smith (2004, p16) note "…
one of the main underlying dynamics of the problem of child sexual
abuse, rape and related violence against women and children in
southern Africa ….
is the inclination of men to assume that women and children are
naturally subordinate to them and are bound to serve their
needs."
Such an inclination does not suddenly take hold of men when they
become adults, but is rooted in socialisation processes as these
take place in the family and in institutions like schools.
Defining Child sexual abuse: Child sexual abuse is defined by
Finkelhor and Korbin (1988, p 8) … as any sexual contact
between an adult and a sexually immature child for purposes of the
adult's sexual gratification; or any sexual contact to a child made
by the use of force, threat or deceit to secure the child's
participation; or sexual contact to which a child is incapable of
consenting by virtue of age or power differentials and the nature
of the relationship with the adult."
While this definition is comprehensive and useful, the critical
question may be raised, whether the sexual abuse of children by
adults is necessarily for the sexual gratification of the
adult.
Helping children act; changing adult-child power relations:
Information about what sexual abuse is can be a protective factor,
but has to be complemented with behavioural possibilities.
Children need to know what action they can take when they are
harassed or abused.
They need the opportunity to practice those behaviours.
Children tend to have little power relative to adults.
They are not in a position to meet their own material needs.
The relatively low social status assigned to children is
manifested among other things in the tendency of adults not to
believe children.
Furthermore, in some contexts children are not permitted to
address adults directly or addressing adults is made difficult for
them.
If children are to be less prone to becoming victims of sexual
abuse, the power relations between adults and children need to be
addressed.
It is interesting to note that, when there is talk of children's
rights, adults often react with irritation, outrage and with
fear.
There seems to be a fear that the acknowledgement of and respect
for children's rights will only encourage children to "get out of
control" and to grow up to be bad or "useless" adults.
Perhaps much of the fear and outrage adults feel, stems from a
sense of helplessness because they do not know of alternative and
more empowering ways to guide children.
If adults are to acknowledge that our everyday interactions with
children are often abusive, denigrating and disempowering for
children, we may be obliged to examine how we ourselves have come
to behave in this way, how we were denigrated and humiliated as
children.
This can be a very painful process.
Good quality parent-child emotional relationship gives
protection: A good quality emotional relationship between a
parent/primary caregiver and a child can serve as a buffer against
sexual and other forms of abuse.
This is because such a relationship enables a child to trust the
parent/primary caregiver.
This is vitally important because perpetrators of sexual abuse
often get away with what they do by indicating to the child that
s/he is in some way responsible for the abuse and that s/he will
not be believed when s/he tells what has happened.
A good quality emotional relationship between a child and
parent/primary caregiver enables the child to grow into the kind of
adult who will not have the need to exert power in relation to a
child.
It allows the child to grow into an adult who feels valued and
competent, who can be emotionally attached to others and has
empathy for them.
Such an adult is unlikely to sexually or otherwise abuse a
child.
Emotional rejection of children creates destructive potential:
The child is utterly dependent on the primary caregiver being
emotionally (not just physically) present and responsive to
him/her.
Studies on child development carried out in the 1980's show the
link between emotional rejection and the potential for
destructiveness.
Young children experience both negative (fury, jealousy) and
positive (affection) emotions generally and in relation to their
primary caregivers.
Young children need to learn that all these emotions are
legitimate and need to integrate them in their sense of who they
are.
For parents/ primary caregivers who are emotionally immature,
overburdened by the general demands of living or who have other
overwhelming problems it may not be possible to be emotionally
available to a child.
They will not be able to accept, contain and manage the negative
emotions of a young child.
Instead they may feel rejected and cheated by the child and
consequently may lash out in anger or cut off emotionally from the
child.
For a young child to experience emotional rejection from the
primary caregiver is like death.
To try and ensure closeness to the parent/primary caregiver the
young child will have to deny her/his own feelings of rage and hurt
in relation to the rejecting parent/primary caregiver, thus
rejecting part of him/herself.
For such a child the sense of self in relation to others is
severely circumscribed; it cannot encompass both negative and
positive feelings about the self and others (Pavlicevic, 2002).
A person who during childhood has learnt to reject parts of
him/herself is likely to use the psychological defence mechanism of
projection in adulthood.
This means that all the denied, unacceptable aspects of oneself
are seen in other people who are then labelled deviant or evil.
Children are often portrayed as evil or deviant and therefore
can "legitimately" be attacked - verbally or physically.
People who have not experienced a sufficiently nurturing and
loving relationship during childhood cannot tolerate the emotional
and/or physical pain experienced by others (Pavlicevic, 2002).
Now, one would think that an adult who was emotionally rejected
during childhood would do his/her level best to avoid causing hurt
to others.
However, if such an adult is confronted by the vulnerability,
the helplessness or pain of others s/he is reminded of his/her own
vulnerability, helplessness and pain.
Since s/he never learned that these difficult feelings would not
bring about his/her destruction, but could be contained and would
pass, their manifestation in others has to be destroyed, thus the
attack on the vulnerable, hurt or helpless child.
Sometimes a history of trauma e.g.
war trauma or domestic violence is at the core of emotional
numbness and inaccessibility of parents.
For such parents it is preferable to feel nothing at all than to
feel on occasion the pain, helplessness and terror that form part
of the past traumatic experience.
Adult supervision as protection: Appropriate supervision by
adult caregivers reduces the opportunities for other adults to
commit sexual abuse.
In the context of a good emotional relationship between child
and parent/primary caregiver and appropriate supervision the adult
will notice when the child starts behaving differently, e.g.
suddenly starts avoiding places s/he used to frequent or no
longer wants to go to certain people.
Such changes in behaviour need to be taken seriously and the
child must be asked about this in non-threatening ways.
A study conducted by Salter et al (2003) found that adult males
who had been sexually victimised during childhood were more prone
to become abusers of children when they reached adulthood if they
had experienced supervisory neglect during childhood.
In order to reduce the incidence of child sexual abuse we need
to create the conditions, which make it possible for more adults to
be emotionally accessible to children and to build and maintain
strong emotional ties with the children in their care.
Adults need to develop a sense of self- respect and worth.
This may involve adults facing up to and coming to terms with
their own histories of trauma.
Institutions such as schools can do much to create safer
environments where children are properly supervised.
These institutions can also put in place clear policies and
procedures that address sexual abuse.
* Gudrun Kober (PhD), is Director of the PEACE Centre, 26 Rhino
Street, Windhoek Tel 061 371550; Fax 061 371555 info@peace.org.na
References Brookes, H.
& Higson-Smith (2002).
Responses to gender violence in schools.
In Richter, L, Dawes, A.
& Higson-Smith (Eds) Sexual abuse of young children in
southern Africa.
Cape Town: HSRC Press.
Finkelhor,D.
& Korbin, J.
(1988).
Child abuse as an international issue.
Child abuse and neglect, Vol.
12, pp 3-23 Pavlicevic, M.
(2002).
Fragile rhythms and uncertain listenings: perspectives from
music therapy with South African Children.
In Sutton (ed) Music, music therapy and trauma: International
perspectives.
London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Richter, L & Higson-Smith,C (2004).
The many kinds of sexual abuse of young children.
In Richter, L, Dawes, A.
& Higson-Smith (Eds) Sexual abuse of young children in
southern Africa.
Cape Town: HSRC Press.
Salter, D., McMillan, D., Richards, M., Talbot, T., Hodges, J.,
Bentovim, A., Hastings, R., Stevenson, J.
& Skuse, D.
(2003).
Development of sexually abusive behaviour in sexually victimised
males: a longitudinal study.
The Lancet, Vol.
361, pp 471 - 476
In turn this requires stronger awareness of those attitudes,
beliefs, cultural practices and ways of speaking that implicitly or
explicitly serve to condone sexual harassment and abuse.To give a
concrete example, harassment of girls by boys or men is often
regarded as boys being "playful" or as simply being part of the
"nature" of men.Instead, harassment should be clearly named and
dealt with as such. A study done by the Human Sciences Research
Council, South Africa and reported on by Brookes and Higson-Smith
(2004) found that many learners and educators in the schools
surveyed, were confused about whether certain kinds of sexual abuse
really constituted a violation of females.Some learners and
educators felt that it is an inevitable part of male-female
relationships if a boy gets his friends to rape his girlfriend
because he suspects her of being unfaithful.The question may be
asked how gender violence in schools is related to the sexual abuse
of children by adults.The abuse of children by adults must be seen
in the broader context of gender relations.As Dawes, Richter and
Higson-Smith (2004, p16) note "… one of the main underlying
dynamics of the problem of child sexual abuse, rape and related
violence against women and children in southern Africa ….is
the inclination of men to assume that women and children are
naturally subordinate to them and are bound to serve their
needs."Such an inclination does not suddenly take hold of men when
they become adults, but is rooted in socialisation processes as
these take place in the family and in institutions like
schools.Defining Child sexual abuse: Child sexual abuse is defined
by Finkelhor and Korbin (1988, p 8) … as any sexual contact
between an adult and a sexually immature child for purposes of the
adult's sexual gratification; or any sexual contact to a child made
by the use of force, threat or deceit to secure the child's
participation; or sexual contact to which a child is incapable of
consenting by virtue of age or power differentials and the nature
of the relationship with the adult."While this definition is
comprehensive and useful, the critical question may be raised,
whether the sexual abuse of children by adults is necessarily for
the sexual gratification of the adult.Helping children act;
changing adult-child power relations: Information about what sexual
abuse is can be a protective factor, but has to be complemented
with behavioural possibilities.Children need to know what action
they can take when they are harassed or abused.They need the
opportunity to practice those behaviours.Children tend to have
little power relative to adults.They are not in a position to meet
their own material needs.The relatively low social status assigned
to children is manifested among other things in the tendency of
adults not to believe children.Furthermore, in some contexts
children are not permitted to address adults directly or addressing
adults is made difficult for them.If children are to be less prone
to becoming victims of sexual abuse, the power relations between
adults and children need to be addressed.It is interesting to note
that, when there is talk of children's rights, adults often react
with irritation, outrage and with fear.There seems to be a fear
that the acknowledgement of and respect for children's rights will
only encourage children to "get out of control" and to grow up to
be bad or "useless" adults.Perhaps much of the fear and outrage
adults feel, stems from a sense of helplessness because they do not
know of alternative and more empowering ways to guide children.If
adults are to acknowledge that our everyday interactions with
children are often abusive, denigrating and disempowering for
children, we may be obliged to examine how we ourselves have come
to behave in this way, how we were denigrated and humiliated as
children.This can be a very painful process. Good quality
parent-child emotional relationship gives protection: A good
quality emotional relationship between a parent/primary caregiver
and a child can serve as a buffer against sexual and other forms of
abuse.This is because such a relationship enables a child to trust
the parent/primary caregiver.This is vitally important because
perpetrators of sexual abuse often get away with what they do by
indicating to the child that s/he is in some way responsible for
the abuse and that s/he will not be believed when s/he tells what
has happened.A good quality emotional relationship between a child
and parent/primary caregiver enables the child to grow into the
kind of adult who will not have the need to exert power in relation
to a child.It allows the child to grow into an adult who feels
valued and competent, who can be emotionally attached to others and
has empathy for them.Such an adult is unlikely to sexually or
otherwise abuse a child.Emotional rejection of children creates
destructive potential: The child is utterly dependent on the
primary caregiver being emotionally (not just physically) present
and responsive to him/her.Studies on child development carried out
in the 1980's show the link between emotional rejection and the
potential for destructiveness.Young children experience both
negative (fury, jealousy) and positive (affection) emotions
generally and in relation to their primary caregivers.Young
children need to learn that all these emotions are legitimate and
need to integrate them in their sense of who they are.For parents/
primary caregivers who are emotionally immature, overburdened by
the general demands of living or who have other overwhelming
problems it may not be possible to be emotionally available to a
child.They will not be able to accept, contain and manage the
negative emotions of a young child.Instead they may feel rejected
and cheated by the child and consequently may lash out in anger or
cut off emotionally from the child.For a young child to experience
emotional rejection from the primary caregiver is like death. To
try and ensure closeness to the parent/primary caregiver the young
child will have to deny her/his own feelings of rage and hurt in
relation to the rejecting parent/primary caregiver, thus rejecting
part of him/herself.For such a child the sense of self in relation
to others is severely circumscribed; it cannot encompass both
negative and positive feelings about the self and others
(Pavlicevic, 2002).A person who during childhood has learnt to
reject parts of him/herself is likely to use the psychological
defence mechanism of projection in adulthood.This means that all
the denied, unacceptable aspects of oneself are seen in other
people who are then labelled deviant or evil.Children are often
portrayed as evil or deviant and therefore can "legitimately" be
attacked - verbally or physically.People who have not experienced a
sufficiently nurturing and loving relationship during childhood
cannot tolerate the emotional and/or physical pain experienced by
others (Pavlicevic, 2002).Now, one would think that an adult who
was emotionally rejected during childhood would do his/her level
best to avoid causing hurt to others.However, if such an adult is
confronted by the vulnerability, the helplessness or pain of others
s/he is reminded of his/her own vulnerability, helplessness and
pain.Since s/he never learned that these difficult feelings would
not bring about his/her destruction, but could be contained and
would pass, their manifestation in others has to be destroyed, thus
the attack on the vulnerable, hurt or helpless child. Sometimes a
history of trauma e.g.war trauma or domestic violence is at the
core of emotional numbness and inaccessibility of parents.For such
parents it is preferable to feel nothing at all than to feel on
occasion the pain, helplessness and terror that form part of the
past traumatic experience. Adult supervision as protection:
Appropriate supervision by adult caregivers reduces the
opportunities for other adults to commit sexual abuse.In the
context of a good emotional relationship between child and
parent/primary caregiver and appropriate supervision the adult will
notice when the child starts behaving differently, e.g.suddenly
starts avoiding places s/he used to frequent or no longer wants to
go to certain people.Such changes in behaviour need to be taken
seriously and the child must be asked about this in non-threatening
ways.A study conducted by Salter et al (2003) found that adult
males who had been sexually victimised during childhood were more
prone to become abusers of children when they reached adulthood if
they had experienced supervisory neglect during childhood.In order
to reduce the incidence of child sexual abuse we need to create the
conditions, which make it possible for more adults to be
emotionally accessible to children and to build and maintain strong
emotional ties with the children in their care.Adults need to
develop a sense of self- respect and worth.This may involve adults
facing up to and coming to terms with their own histories of
trauma.Institutions such as schools can do much to create safer
environments where children are properly supervised.These
institutions can also put in place clear policies and procedures
that address sexual abuse. * Gudrun Kober (PhD), is Director of the
PEACE Centre, 26 Rhino Street, Windhoek Tel 061 371550; Fax 061
371555 info@peace.org.na References Brookes, H.& Higson-Smith
(2002).Responses to gender violence in schools.In Richter, L,
Dawes, A.& Higson-Smith (Eds) Sexual abuse of young children in
southern Africa.Cape Town: HSRC Press. Finkelhor,D.& Korbin,
J.(1988).Child abuse as an international issue.Child abuse and
neglect, Vol.12, pp 3-23 Pavlicevic, M.(2002).Fragile rhythms and
uncertain listenings: perspectives from music therapy with South
African Children.In Sutton (ed) Music, music therapy and trauma:
International perspectives.London: Jessica Kingsley
Publishers.Richter, L & Higson-Smith,C (2004).The many kinds of
sexual abuse of young children.In Richter, L, Dawes, A.&
Higson-Smith (Eds) Sexual abuse of young children in southern
Africa.Cape Town: HSRC Press. Salter, D., McMillan, D., Richards,
M., Talbot, T., Hodges, J., Bentovim, A., Hastings, R., Stevenson,
J.& Skuse, D.(2003).Development of sexually abusive behaviour
in sexually victimised males: a longitudinal study.The Lancet,
Vol.361, pp 471 - 476